I feel shitty when people throw shits on me for something that i have no control of, for something that's not my fault, for something that I have to bear the full responsibility of simply because I represent the company...I hate to face this and it bothers me so much that the thought of taking MC tomorrow crossed my mind...This is so NOT me!!! The no. of MCs that I took for the whole of my life can really be counted with 1 hand, really...even when i was sick, i still insisted on attending lessons as i didnt want to miss a thing...and can u imagine how bad i hate the situation to the extent that i felt like cheating to the doctor to take MCs...
Eventually i dismissed that thought...i still have responsibilities to fulfil for my other projects, and i shall not let this shit ruins everything...
Thursday, 26 February 2009
Clashed!
I am not comfortable with the working style that has become the trend in this company...People are overloaded, they cant deliver what they promise, they lie that they are preparing it, while actually nothing was done, and when the deadline comes, they cant deliver for sure, and when other parties complain, they started to panick...and arrows start flying all over the place to find who to blame...
I hate this kind of working style! I don't like to chase people for something and I also don't like people to chase me simply because i miss the deadline! I don't like to lie! I don't like doing last-minute job because the quality of work produced certainly drops! I don't like to be scolded by others! But I have been forced to do and endure all these...Should i really adapt myself to this kind of working style? Or should I insist on my own style? I dunno who to blame, everyone is really busy in the office...and when 12 hours a day are not enough to finish up all the deadlines, this kind of situation is inevitable!
Haiz...haiz...haiz...btw, looks like i blog more now than when i was still studying...working life is more COLORFUL!!! haha...and this blog has become my 'boyfriend', who gets to know first on all the ups and downs of my working life and who is always ready anytime for me to disturb...I need encouragement, I need a dose of daily messages, I need Good Night's wish, I need to get out of Singapore for some short getaway..........................., and lastly I need to lose weight,hahaha...
I hate this kind of working style! I don't like to chase people for something and I also don't like people to chase me simply because i miss the deadline! I don't like to lie! I don't like doing last-minute job because the quality of work produced certainly drops! I don't like to be scolded by others! But I have been forced to do and endure all these...Should i really adapt myself to this kind of working style? Or should I insist on my own style? I dunno who to blame, everyone is really busy in the office...and when 12 hours a day are not enough to finish up all the deadlines, this kind of situation is inevitable!
Haiz...haiz...haiz...btw, looks like i blog more now than when i was still studying...working life is more COLORFUL!!! haha...and this blog has become my 'boyfriend', who gets to know first on all the ups and downs of my working life and who is always ready anytime for me to disturb...I need encouragement, I need a dose of daily messages, I need Good Night's wish, I need to get out of Singapore for some short getaway..........................., and lastly I need to lose weight,hahaha...
Saturday, 21 February 2009
Chased...
I have been chased home for a couple of days by the different directors...oh please, i also dont want to stay up so late...but during office hour, i cant concentrate fully, being disturbed by phone calls, chitchats, and so on
Yesterday one of the directors came to my desk while looking at his watch and asked,"Lydia, why are u still here on a Friday night?" well, no date then what to do,haha....might as well finish up what i could right? Sometimes i want to finish up as much as i could coz u dunno what's going to happen the next day...more works with tight deadlines may just come in, and personally I hate to rush!!! However, looks like RUSHING is a work pattern in this company...i'm learning how to still stay calm while rushing,haha...
oh btw, I need to be less gullible...People call me, ask me to do sth, then i agree to it coz i thought i have to really do it, and when i consult the directors, they would ask me to say NO to the other party coz apparently what other party asks for is a form of bullying me,haha...then i have to call the other party and tell them that i'm not going to do it (after initially agreeing to it)...I feel really stupid everyday coz i cant differentiate what is order and what is bullying..
Yesterday one of the directors came to my desk while looking at his watch and asked,"Lydia, why are u still here on a Friday night?" well, no date then what to do,haha....might as well finish up what i could right? Sometimes i want to finish up as much as i could coz u dunno what's going to happen the next day...more works with tight deadlines may just come in, and personally I hate to rush!!! However, looks like RUSHING is a work pattern in this company...i'm learning how to still stay calm while rushing,haha...
oh btw, I need to be less gullible...People call me, ask me to do sth, then i agree to it coz i thought i have to really do it, and when i consult the directors, they would ask me to say NO to the other party coz apparently what other party asks for is a form of bullying me,haha...then i have to call the other party and tell them that i'm not going to do it (after initially agreeing to it)...I feel really stupid everyday coz i cant differentiate what is order and what is bullying..
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Wondering...
Can a lady become a Professional Engineer and yet able to marry and set up a family at the age that she wish for??? I doubt so...looks like you have to choose either one, right?
Marriage is kinda sensitive issue right now,haha...with biological clock ticking and more and more friends are getting married or on the way there, it's really devastating to know that I cant even foresee myself getting married anytime soon...and those questions, like "So when are u getting married? One year later? already planning for it?" have to always be answered with,"Dunno...not anytime soon...still long way to go" And I hate it when the same question comes from the same person, who already knows the answer and yet still have the perception that when someone of my age has a boyfriend, it means that she's getting married!
Haiz, looks like i'm faced by this phenomenon called "MADESU", which means "MAsa DEpan SUram" or in English it's called '"bleak future"'!
Marriage is kinda sensitive issue right now,haha...with biological clock ticking and more and more friends are getting married or on the way there, it's really devastating to know that I cant even foresee myself getting married anytime soon...and those questions, like "So when are u getting married? One year later? already planning for it?" have to always be answered with,"Dunno...not anytime soon...still long way to go" And I hate it when the same question comes from the same person, who already knows the answer and yet still have the perception that when someone of my age has a boyfriend, it means that she's getting married!
Haiz, looks like i'm faced by this phenomenon called "MADESU", which means "MAsa DEpan SUram" or in English it's called '"bleak future"'!
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
Gimme a break!
Quoting one of my colleagues:
"My wife's problem is my problem...
My problem is NOT my wife's problem...
My children's problem is my problem...
My problem is NOT my children's problem...
My boss' problem is my problem...
My problem is NOT my boss' problem..."
I TOTALLY AGREE WITH HIM! After working for close to 7 months, i started to realize that working under people is not easy! being a boss is really the best!
I'm drained to the core...reaching office before 8am and leaving office at 10pm++ for a few consecutive days are making me weaker...yet how can i reject tasks ordered by big boss? What's the impression that I gonna portray if i refuse not to complete it?
Another colleague commented, "You are an OX rite? Ox is having a very bad time this year, you have to work extremely hard...but next year will be better for you." Hahaha...yah that's so true, it's only the beginning of the year, and i already started to feel my 'bad luck'...
Others have been showing concern when they saw me being the second last to leave office (I cant beat another colleague who most of the time is always the last person to leave office)..."Don't go back too late tonite, better have enough rest!", "Can you still cope?", "Wah, you beat my record...but please don't beat CK's record of not going back home for the whole nite..."
Can these comments change my fate? NO! A deadline still has to be met regardless of these comments...
ARRRRGH!!! I'm soooo tired...why cant i just be like any other girls, who can just enjoy life everyday, slacking, shopping, pampering themselves, and getting anything that they want effortlessly...just find a rich guy and that's it everything is well taken care of, from branded stuffs to free travel holidays...
Ok stop looking up...time to look down and be thankful of what i have!
"My wife's problem is my problem...
My problem is NOT my wife's problem...
My children's problem is my problem...
My problem is NOT my children's problem...
My boss' problem is my problem...
My problem is NOT my boss' problem..."
I TOTALLY AGREE WITH HIM! After working for close to 7 months, i started to realize that working under people is not easy! being a boss is really the best!
I'm drained to the core...reaching office before 8am and leaving office at 10pm++ for a few consecutive days are making me weaker...yet how can i reject tasks ordered by big boss? What's the impression that I gonna portray if i refuse not to complete it?
Another colleague commented, "You are an OX rite? Ox is having a very bad time this year, you have to work extremely hard...but next year will be better for you." Hahaha...yah that's so true, it's only the beginning of the year, and i already started to feel my 'bad luck'...
Others have been showing concern when they saw me being the second last to leave office (I cant beat another colleague who most of the time is always the last person to leave office)..."Don't go back too late tonite, better have enough rest!", "Can you still cope?", "Wah, you beat my record...but please don't beat CK's record of not going back home for the whole nite..."
Can these comments change my fate? NO! A deadline still has to be met regardless of these comments...
ARRRRGH!!! I'm soooo tired...why cant i just be like any other girls, who can just enjoy life everyday, slacking, shopping, pampering themselves, and getting anything that they want effortlessly...just find a rich guy and that's it everything is well taken care of, from branded stuffs to free travel holidays...
Ok stop looking up...time to look down and be thankful of what i have!
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Don't complain!
When you have more work to do, don't complain! Accept all tasks with open heart and mind...
Be thankful that you are still employed at this period of time...
Be thankful that your company still have on-going projects and more upcoming projects to sustain the operation...
Be thankful that the industry that you are working in is not the worst hit...
Perform at your best and learn as much as you can when you are still young and energetic...
Don't slack too much during your most productive years...
Ok, enough of brain-washing session, haha...I have been telling all these to myself every single day...
Btw, do you know the meaning of this sentence, "Lydia, can i date you?" Ideally, i should be very happy when it's uttered by my prince charming...but when this sentence came out from one of the directors in the office, it just simply means, "Lydia, can i ask you to do more work?" Haiz...oops, no complaint!
Be thankful that you are still employed at this period of time...
Be thankful that your company still have on-going projects and more upcoming projects to sustain the operation...
Be thankful that the industry that you are working in is not the worst hit...
Perform at your best and learn as much as you can when you are still young and energetic...
Don't slack too much during your most productive years...
Ok, enough of brain-washing session, haha...I have been telling all these to myself every single day...
Btw, do you know the meaning of this sentence, "Lydia, can i date you?" Ideally, i should be very happy when it's uttered by my prince charming...but when this sentence came out from one of the directors in the office, it just simply means, "Lydia, can i ask you to do more work?" Haiz...oops, no complaint!
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
FUMING!!!
I have never been soooo angry till this afternoon during lunch, when i couldnt take it anymore, and i just raised my voice at my colleague, the one who has been bullying me all this while...
I have been so busy for the past 1 week...other directors arrowed me to help them with some of their projects and i dont even have time to finish up my work for my own projects!!! Yet this colleague of mine could form his own judgment and make passing remarks that I got arrowed to do all these extra works, simply because i'm so free and got nothing to do and since he always sees me in the office and not outside attending meeting, that supports his conclusion!
I really really raised my voice...my hands were shaking when i scolded him,haha...and i could feel blood rushing to my face...I guess the whole table of guyz notice it...but who cares...It's really very painful to hear someone making this kind of comment, either jokingly or seriously, when u r physically and mentally tired with all this workload...How dare can you say that by staying in the office and not having meeting outside office, it means that i'm very free??? I actually can finish up more work in the office and learn more, rather than attending meetings, that sometimes are a waste of time..and really for my projects, my meetings are mostly held in my own office, in the form of teleconference or face-to-face meeting that doesnt require me to leave my own compound...Well, true enough, if the engineers are not seen in the office, that means they are outside attending meetings, and it just gives the impression that you are so important representing the company and you LOOK BUSY!!! But is it my fault that my meetings are held in my office??? Does it make me look LESS BUSY then? people just dont know how much work i have to do behind the scene...and they just dont realize that by being in the office for the whole of 10-12 hours daily, i am actually doing more work than others who have to be outside for most of the time...haiz...
Another comment that made me boiling was that i got arrowed to do extra work from other directors simply because i'm so FREE and GOT NOTHING TO DO!!! i really wasnt thinking when replying to all his comments in anger,haha...and guess what i boldly told him, " I was arrowed to do all these extra works because of the QUALITY OF MY WORK and not because I'M SO FREE!!!" haha...but logically, if i were so free, why would i stay back in the office everyday till 7-8 pm? and he's fully aware of that as we always do OT together...haiz...dunno where his brain is...I have to neglect my own projects to finish up these extra works from other directors, and my own boss is not even aware of all these extra works assigned to me, yet i agree to all the requests of other directors, i dilligently finished it, and i finished it way before the deadlines! Does he know all these?? NO!!! and how on earth can he shoot me like this?
This afternoon, after all the rage and anger, finally someone showed appreciation at what i have done...The executive director, who asked me to help him do some tasks for his project. He thanked me and even said sorry for overloading me, coz apparently it was discussed in the directors' meeting that i was overloaded, haha....I FEEL LIKE TELLING ALL THESE TO THAT STUPID GUY!!! but right now i dont feel like arguing with him anymore, unless necessary...waste my time and my saliva!!!
I have been so busy for the past 1 week...other directors arrowed me to help them with some of their projects and i dont even have time to finish up my work for my own projects!!! Yet this colleague of mine could form his own judgment and make passing remarks that I got arrowed to do all these extra works, simply because i'm so free and got nothing to do and since he always sees me in the office and not outside attending meeting, that supports his conclusion!
I really really raised my voice...my hands were shaking when i scolded him,haha...and i could feel blood rushing to my face...I guess the whole table of guyz notice it...but who cares...It's really very painful to hear someone making this kind of comment, either jokingly or seriously, when u r physically and mentally tired with all this workload...How dare can you say that by staying in the office and not having meeting outside office, it means that i'm very free??? I actually can finish up more work in the office and learn more, rather than attending meetings, that sometimes are a waste of time..and really for my projects, my meetings are mostly held in my own office, in the form of teleconference or face-to-face meeting that doesnt require me to leave my own compound...Well, true enough, if the engineers are not seen in the office, that means they are outside attending meetings, and it just gives the impression that you are so important representing the company and you LOOK BUSY!!! But is it my fault that my meetings are held in my office??? Does it make me look LESS BUSY then? people just dont know how much work i have to do behind the scene...and they just dont realize that by being in the office for the whole of 10-12 hours daily, i am actually doing more work than others who have to be outside for most of the time...haiz...
Another comment that made me boiling was that i got arrowed to do extra work from other directors simply because i'm so FREE and GOT NOTHING TO DO!!! i really wasnt thinking when replying to all his comments in anger,haha...and guess what i boldly told him, " I was arrowed to do all these extra works because of the QUALITY OF MY WORK and not because I'M SO FREE!!!" haha...but logically, if i were so free, why would i stay back in the office everyday till 7-8 pm? and he's fully aware of that as we always do OT together...haiz...dunno where his brain is...I have to neglect my own projects to finish up these extra works from other directors, and my own boss is not even aware of all these extra works assigned to me, yet i agree to all the requests of other directors, i dilligently finished it, and i finished it way before the deadlines! Does he know all these?? NO!!! and how on earth can he shoot me like this?
This afternoon, after all the rage and anger, finally someone showed appreciation at what i have done...The executive director, who asked me to help him do some tasks for his project. He thanked me and even said sorry for overloading me, coz apparently it was discussed in the directors' meeting that i was overloaded, haha....I FEEL LIKE TELLING ALL THESE TO THAT STUPID GUY!!! but right now i dont feel like arguing with him anymore, unless necessary...waste my time and my saliva!!!
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
Monday, 2 February 2009
Very very random...
Today's my first day of work after the one-week block-leave for CNY...couldnt really wake up after getting used to wake up at 9am-10am back home...was dragging myself out of the bed as i know that days and weeks ahead are going to be very busy...On Saturday night after flying back from Indo, i even dreamt that on my first day of work after the holiday, I have to do OT till 11pm!!! and I wasnt the only one in the office...in the dream, it was quite fun though coz lots of my colleagues were also doing OT till 11 pm!! haha...what a crazy dream to start the new week ahead...
Anw, that dream didnt turn into reality...thankfully! i did OT though, but till 8 pm only...and I did OT not only because i couldnt finish my work target, but because i feel guilty of leaving office from 12pm-3pm for the CNY luncheon at Mariott from one of the suppliers...haha...very yummy 8-course lunch, as usual, but that means my diet plan has already gone down the drain on the day i first planned to start...haiz...
oh btw, i flew back to Indo last last Friday, on the day when there was supposed to be CNY celebration at my office...so yah i missed the celebration, and I thought i had also missed the lucky draw for gift hampers that our office had been receiving...that was the first time i saw so many gift hampers (expensive ones) just within a few steps from my work desk...had been eyeing it but i knew that i didnt stand a chance to win any of them...I was shocked this morning when Evan told me that I won something...apparently everyone in the office won that lucky draw,haha...so everyone is lucky!!! I couldnt find any hamper on my desk though when i reached the office in the morning...guess what, i actually won a box of oranges and a box of ba kwa!!! and some nice souls out there put them in the fridge!!!! hahaha...
ok now change topic...when i went back to Indo my mom said this to me, "Don't u consider urself lucky to be working in this company? Within 6 months of working here, u already went back home twice ( a total of 3 weeks!!!)...u even got ur bonus...u received so many lunches and dinners treats at hotels and restaurants...u went to KL...ur direct boss treats u well........" and the list continues...Well, there're always pros and cons to any situation...My stomach welfare is really well taken care of here...with all the expensive food going down my throat at higher frequency as compared to school time,haha....but i have to sacrifice extra hours for OT for most of the days of the week during the time when all the deadlines for all the projects suddenly come at one time...Sometimes doing OT makes me wonder...I thought the economy is slowing down, business is bad, many people are laid off, some are even forced to take unpaid leave, some are very slack at work with nothing much to do...but why on earth am i doing OT for almost every day??? This's exactly the same question posed by my office's security guard to me and Evan when we left the office at abt 8 pm today...haha...I kinda get used to my OT-life though...7-8pm is like the normal time for me...I still remembered clearly how i love to leave office at 6 pm on the dot during my first few weeks at work...but right now the feeling is different...I feel weird if i leave office at 6 pm...I feel like all eyes are looking at me and thinking that I'm so free and got nothing to do...so i never leave office at 6 pm these days, not even 5.45pm (as mentioned in the contract)...
ok now change topic again...I am forcing myself to do sth that will have an impact on me...mostly mentally and psychologically,haha...but i just cant bring myself to do it...I am buying time...waiting for it to happen...I'm very sure that it's going to happen...it's very clear in my mind, the image of it happening is so vivid that it's haunting me almost every day...but i just dont know when...i dunno when i would have the strength to endure the aftermath of it, which is going to be painful but i shld go ahead with that decision...I'm just waiting for the clock to strike the correct timing for things to end...Meanwhile i shld just enjoy and be thankful of what i have...
now i'm very tired...after jotting down so many things that had been running through my mind today...ok time to sleep liao...zzZZZzzzz
Anw, that dream didnt turn into reality...thankfully! i did OT though, but till 8 pm only...and I did OT not only because i couldnt finish my work target, but because i feel guilty of leaving office from 12pm-3pm for the CNY luncheon at Mariott from one of the suppliers...haha...very yummy 8-course lunch, as usual, but that means my diet plan has already gone down the drain on the day i first planned to start...haiz...
oh btw, i flew back to Indo last last Friday, on the day when there was supposed to be CNY celebration at my office...so yah i missed the celebration, and I thought i had also missed the lucky draw for gift hampers that our office had been receiving...that was the first time i saw so many gift hampers (expensive ones) just within a few steps from my work desk...had been eyeing it but i knew that i didnt stand a chance to win any of them...I was shocked this morning when Evan told me that I won something...apparently everyone in the office won that lucky draw,haha...so everyone is lucky!!! I couldnt find any hamper on my desk though when i reached the office in the morning...guess what, i actually won a box of oranges and a box of ba kwa!!! and some nice souls out there put them in the fridge!!!! hahaha...
ok now change topic...when i went back to Indo my mom said this to me, "Don't u consider urself lucky to be working in this company? Within 6 months of working here, u already went back home twice ( a total of 3 weeks!!!)...u even got ur bonus...u received so many lunches and dinners treats at hotels and restaurants...u went to KL...ur direct boss treats u well........" and the list continues...Well, there're always pros and cons to any situation...My stomach welfare is really well taken care of here...with all the expensive food going down my throat at higher frequency as compared to school time,haha....but i have to sacrifice extra hours for OT for most of the days of the week during the time when all the deadlines for all the projects suddenly come at one time...Sometimes doing OT makes me wonder...I thought the economy is slowing down, business is bad, many people are laid off, some are even forced to take unpaid leave, some are very slack at work with nothing much to do...but why on earth am i doing OT for almost every day??? This's exactly the same question posed by my office's security guard to me and Evan when we left the office at abt 8 pm today...haha...I kinda get used to my OT-life though...7-8pm is like the normal time for me...I still remembered clearly how i love to leave office at 6 pm on the dot during my first few weeks at work...but right now the feeling is different...I feel weird if i leave office at 6 pm...I feel like all eyes are looking at me and thinking that I'm so free and got nothing to do...so i never leave office at 6 pm these days, not even 5.45pm (as mentioned in the contract)...
ok now change topic again...I am forcing myself to do sth that will have an impact on me...mostly mentally and psychologically,haha...but i just cant bring myself to do it...I am buying time...waiting for it to happen...I'm very sure that it's going to happen...it's very clear in my mind, the image of it happening is so vivid that it's haunting me almost every day...but i just dont know when...i dunno when i would have the strength to endure the aftermath of it, which is going to be painful but i shld go ahead with that decision...I'm just waiting for the clock to strike the correct timing for things to end...Meanwhile i shld just enjoy and be thankful of what i have...
now i'm very tired...after jotting down so many things that had been running through my mind today...ok time to sleep liao...zzZZZzzzz
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