I was walking up the stairs in the office this morning, feeling gloomy that the holiday is over...and one of the aunties in the office who was walking next to me suddenly made this remark, "NI HEN MEI!" Wahhhhh.....then i replied to her with a wide grin,"Really? Thanks!"
She continued,"Yah, you are very pretty...are you Indonesian?" Hmmm, Indonesians are PRETTY!!! haha...Her remark made my day! It would even be better if it's uttered by a handsome & charming guy,hahahah....

End of year is approaching and my mind is filled with so many things...lots of reflections on what I have done for the past 1 year and on how stupid some of my decisions are...lots of thinking on 'What's next?'

I just came back from Australia and am not ready to report back to office, haiz...i want more and more holidays...where you can just spend time stoning and thinking on what you should do to change your life, haiz...why cant my life be smooth-sailing without so many things to think about?

One thing for sure, i think i'd rather go back to square one than staying at this present situation...I'm tired at what I am going through now...haiz...

He taught me one thing, "Skill sets are much more important than money...so build up your skill sets as they'll help you in the future."

I had a long chat with my colleague over the longest luncheon ever...basically the conclusion is "You just don't care about what others are doing...just be yourself. There is no point being famous but not having many close friends or having many people talking behind your back."

It's really sad to see how one changed for the worst...we should always try to be humble regardless where we stand as you don't know what is going to happen to you tomorrow.

It has been a fulfilling yet hectic life! 3 more weeks to go and I'll be off to Australia!!!!

Random blabber

As the biological clock continues to tick, my brain continues to deteriorate. I have a hard time remembering the new people that I meet almost daily...the next time I see them, only the word 'Hallo', instead of 'Hallo so-and-so', comes out of my mouth. It's really bad rite!

Then sometimes those I-met-before-but-I-cant-remember-your-name people pass by my cubicle and talk to me...it feels really bad that i dont even know their name, yet I still continue with the conversation as if I know them well,haha...

This afternoon, one person walked past my cubicle, then suddenly walked back, just to tell me that he couldnt believe that I graduate from Mechanical Engineering...He said I look like someone, who should be in the Finance industry,hahaha...the conversation went on...ended with a 'Bye', and I couldnt even remember where I met him before...

Now I'm forcing myself to record the new people that I meet daily...I really pen their full name and where they are from...cant rely on my brain anymore!

Mom will be in town next week, yeaaaah!!!! then i'll be flying off to Jakarta over the weekend...and my aunty already planned for a trip to Bandung...Well, i havent been there but i dont really look forward to it as my time in Jakarta is very very limited...only a total of one-and-a-half day, and I want to cut my hair and go shopping!!! arrgh....hopefully i still have time to do it a few hours before my flight back to Singapore.

Then after coming back to Singapore, my cousin will be coming down from the US, as he got a job here!!! This is the best news ever...I will be lonely no more!!! Finally I have a close relative here!!!! And after his one-month stay in the catered Serviced Apartment by the company, he'll be staying with me :) No more staying alone!!!!! Probably I will have chance to hang out with his high-flyer banking friends??? haha....keep dreaming, Lydia!

If i were given a chance to make 3 wishes right now, here they are:
1. I wish that I could go to a foreign land, far far away from where I am now, where I could start everything anew, close the current chapter of my life and open a new one!
2. I wish to undergo a brain wash, where all the memories can be erased from my mind!
3. I wish that I'm 7 years younger than my current age!

Well, none of the above is possible right now!

By the way, yesterday was my first time at MacRitchie Reservoir. I went there to recce the place to hold Active Race for my company's Active Day. The weather was so cooling that it'd have been a perfect day to go out dating...


I managed to catch the following picture...see how romantic the place is! Lovely couple at a lovely spot :)

A tinge of satisfaction...

I just came back from my 2nd voluntary activity in SMRT: bringing the elderly from the Geylang East Home for the Aged to Esplanade for MoonFest celebration. I expected the elderly to be mostly wheelchair-bound...but i was wrong, almost all of them are mobile!

Anyway, I was standing at one side guiding some of the elderly as they were leaving our first stop and there was this uncle, who suddenly stretched his hand towards mine, wanting to grab my hand. I held his hand and he became my partner for that night. With my very pathetic Chinese, I communicated with him...I could imagine him being very handsome when he was young,haha...

It was drizzling and as a result, we couldnt play with the lanterns :( The uncle chose to sit on the wheel chair, as it'd be easier for him to move around outside. He was holding the umbrella passed to him by another volunteer, and he kept on asking how about me. Amidst my repeated statement that I was OK without umbrella, he held the umbrella higher so as to cover me...We were in a very unique arrangement...me pushing his wheelchair from behind, while his hand was raised up high so as to cover me! I was so touched!!!

We watched a very beautiful & soothing live Chinese orchestra performance...the 45-mins performance was simply lovely! The songs were mostly oldies, but I love them. After the performance, we parted...and that's how my Saturday date came to an end!

It's painful!

When i just came to Singapore, I used to cry almost every day for about 6 months...About 10 years later, I'm experiencing it again for a different reason! shit...it sucks!!! I prefer crying while bathing, as the running water helps smoothen the flow of tears as they are in the same direction...I hate it when i was standing inside the train or sitting on the bus or walking along the road, then suddenly the stupid tears start to well up in my eyes! It's easier though to draw the eyeliner in the morning when my eyes are swollen from the previous night's crying session,haha...

I wonder how long this will last...how much strength I have, to produce tears daily...arrrghhhhh...it sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this feeling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why cant i continue to live in a dream? A dream that everything's alright...A dream that things will turn out well in the end...

Random

I really cant stand people, who talk with airs and who love to boast abt themselves...it just took me 1 or 2 sentences of conversation, and I'll be damn pissed! Why cant people be more humble of themselves...I really really hope as time passes by, i wont act like one of these people...it's really damn irritating!!!

Anw, i just realized that even though i dont fancy F1 racing, my work would require me to do something related to the event. Last year, when I was working in SM, I had the chance to go down to the pit to take a look at the M&E system, as it was designed by SM. This year, I would be on stand-by for my branch on Sunday...so catch me in Corporate Tee on Sunday at City Hall MRT!

What will u do when you roughly know what is going to happen in the future and yet u still cling on to the present? I have been receiving lots of advice on this issue...but i dunno what to do!!! I really cant let go of the present...everyday i am always waiting for that messages to come! haiz...

I want to be wanted...
I want to be appreciated...
I want to be loved...
*haha* emo mode is 'ON'!

Life has been good so far! still having lots of fun...basically it's still my honeymoon period! Met with lots of new people every single day, and I cant even remember their names and match the names with the faces.

Some people are very very nice and humble in explaining all the technical jargons to us...but there are lots of them, whom we usually call the "Ya-ya-papaya" people. They are the group of people, who act as if they already worked in the company for decades (even though they have only worked at most 1 year), and who talked as if they know everything on earth...Moreover, they talk in a super duper irritating manner, that you cant even stand looking at their faces nor listening to their voices. My friends and I vow that we are not going to treat our juniors (the next batch of MTs) next year in this manner, as we know how it felt to face these kinds of people.

I love hanging out with my Management Trainee gang, they really brightened up my days with all the jokes and silly things! Another thing that brightened up my day is sleeping as it enables me not to think of all my problems, haha...it's an avenue to run away from the reality of life!

I HATE CFA!!!

It's depriving me of all my privileges :( :( :(

I hate crying over unfulfilled expectation...
I always expect this and that to happen, and it's so disheartening when I dont receive any of the treatment that I wish for...

Random

Ooops, just realized that i haven't blogged for ages...
was so busy during the last few weeks in SM and was having so much fun in SMRT that I didn't have time to blog...

Time flies! After my resignation, i was still swamped with tons of work, even till my last day. I still attended meeting on my second last day in SM...my desk was covered with lots of papers that it didnt look like as if it belonged to someone who is leaving the company...I was rushing to finish work on my last day and to clear my desk at the same time...it sucked!!! And it's even suckier when weeks after leaving the company, i was still disturbed by occasional calls and messages from my ex-colleagues asking work-related stuffs. I still remembered walking on MRT track (as we were having orientation) while talking on the phone to my ex-director about lifts and no. of rooms in the Hotel project that i did before.

Well, SM chapter is finally closed and a new chapter begins in SMRT - a new page filled with tight competition yet fun adventure. The competition was evident on the first week and as the days pass by, the bond of friendship forged between the 17 of us starts to downplay it. The past 4 weeks have been a blast!!! The 5-days induction was a well-organized programme to assimilate us into the new environment. And the team-building activity at the end of the whole induction almost killed me as I trembled across the fine rope 15 metres above ground.

Being management trainees, we are susceptible to being arrowed anytime by anyone in the company. Our first 'canon' came from our very own "Mama" (the person-in-charge of us and the programme), who shot us with a big task of putting up a performance for SMRT Long Service Award, and we were only left with 9 days to prepare for that. The worst thing is that we are already attached to the Safety Services Department, with different safety audit timetables, and this made it hard for us to gather everyone to plan and prepare for it. In the end, amidst all the challenges, we put up an astonishing performance, that earned us The first Prize for SMRT Got Talent - Group category: a trophy and $1,000 shopping voucher!

I felt much younger when i'm with this group of Management Trainees, even though i'm only 1-yr older than the girls here. When we were rehearsing for the dance, I felt like I was back in the university days...in fact I never danced during the university days...and i just found my hidden talent! hahha...it's so unbelievable that I ended up learning the dance moves of the very popular MTV "Nobody Nobody but you", when initially i swore that I would never learn these seductive dance steps, amidst Tengfu's repeated requests and I hated to see the MTV as the video always made him glued to the screen.

You can catch the video of our award-winning performance in my Facebook...it's really awesome! hahaha...

I cant believe that I finally did it!!! :) :) :)

I can't believe that I'm finally writing it ... :) :) :)

In-tray exercise

For a couple of hours, I felt as if i'm a participant in the US' reality show "The Apprentice".
Broken up into groups of 3, we were given a task to develop a new business unit for the company by coming up with a marketable product for the company. We were only given 1 hr 50 mins, to identify our target market, to come up with the product design, and to market the product. We were also required to prepare the presentation at the end of our group discussion.
With assessors all around us, it was really stressful, and given such a short period of time to prepare, our creative juice was really squeezed to the max.

Another group task is a more challenging and interesting one, where we were again broken into different groups and given a scenario where an earthquake struck a particular city and its surrounding villages. And given that we were from a 'GIVE HOPE TEAM', we were required to plan on all the items to be delivered to the affected villages, pack them (really pack them physically, with colored blocks to represent the different items), and plan the route for the air delivery of these products.

A whole range of tests and group works from 9 am to 4.30 pm really drained me to the core. But it was fun! I really feel that I was my true self throughout the tasks and I was at my highest level of enthusiasm,haha....As a result of being too overstretched, I had a very bad headache right after stepping out of the hotel meeting room, haiz...

Well, right now is just waiting time...I have gone this far...and hopefully all the efforts will bring me to the very final interview!

"The reason for holding the inspection at this timing is because the workers are having their break...Did u realize that u actually pose a health & safety hazard to the construction workers if we were to inspect the water & sanitary pipes at other time?", uttered my senior to me...I burst out laughing at his remark...

BCA Award 2009

I used to marvel at the perspective views of the buildings when they are flashed right in front of me...I usually see more of these perspectives when I attended formal dinner or events, where these buildings will be bragged to the whole audience.

Anw, last night I was at BCA Awards 2009 ceremony, which is dubbed as the Oscar ceremony of the construction industry...an event where you witness hundred of awards being given out to the developers, architects, consultants, contractors, and quantity surveyors...I still 'wow-ed' when I saw the slides showing all the achievements, with buildings standing straight in a more sustainable manner, with all the 'Green' thing being highly promoted right now...but I was not as enthusiastic as last time because deep inside my heart, I know well the struggle and the hardship that each of us has to go through for these achievements to materialize...we really sacrifice our blood, sweat, and tears for the buildings that you see standing right in front of u...All these achievements are supposed to serve as a motivation, right? but to me the whole process of bringing these architectural and engineering masterpieces into life is enough to kill any motivation that comes with it...

You should be able to guess where i stand in this industry...I'm at the borderline...one of my feet is still within the industry, while another one is roaming around to find a more suitable industry,haha...

oh btw, my company won the Gold Class for Built Environment Leadership Awards...and my colleague, after being shown the plague by our MD, stupidly asked, "Is this really made of Gold?" haha....And the theme of this year's award is really 'Green, green, green...' that even the noodle that's served during the dinner is the green color spinach noodle,hahahah....

I have been wanting to visit these places but havent had the chance to do so:
- Henderson wave
- Marina Barrage
- Singapore Botanical Garden
- JB ( one-day shopping trip)
Anyone visiting these places, ask me along k? haha...

Btw, i dunno why i always envy those friends who can travel somewhere with their loved one, hmmm...when will i have the chance to do so ah?

I was so excited when I checked out SilkAir website yesterday and I found out that there's a promotional price to fly back home...It only costs S$328 (incl. taxes)...that's like half of the price that i normally pay. I called home to inform my parents that I'm going home!!! hahaha...if nothing drastic happen from now till my birthday, then I think i'll pack my bag and fly home on my birthday!

My hometown

Suddenly I feel so proud when I saw my hometown being featured in The Straits Times today...Below is the excerpt of the article:


Climate change: 100m S-E Asians at risk

Death of marine life will bring poverty, instability to region, warns WWF
MANADO (INDONESIA): - About 100 million people risk losing their homes and livelihoods unless drastic steps are taken to protect South-east Asia's biologically diverse coral reefs, which could be wiped out in coming decades because of climate change, a report said yesterday.

The Coral Triangle - which spans Indonesia, Malaysia, Papua New Guinea, the Philippines, the Solomon Islands and Timor Leste - is home to more than half the world's coral reefs and 35 per cent of coral reef fish species, making the area a linchpin for ocean life.

If carbon emissions are not cut by 25 per cent to 40 per cent below 1990 levels by 2020, higher ocean temperatures could kill off vast marine ecosystems and half the fish in them, according to the World Wildlife Fund (WWF).

If that came to pass, 100 million people earning a living off the sea could be forced to leave inundated coastlines and find new jobs, the group warned.

The WWF presented its 220-page study as ministers and officials from over 70 countries gather in the Indonesian city of Manado, Sulawesi, for the World Ocean Conference, the first global meeting on the relationship between oceans and climate change.

I have a couple of friends, who have visited my hometown for diving...and they went there without knowing that the lovely place that they visited is my hometown!!! hahaha...so now you know how 'active' I have been promoting my own hometown...I have never dived there...I didnt know how to dive...I have never even tried snorkeling there...When I visited some of the resorts, I felt that they have been over-promoted...they are not as nice as what has been portrayed in the advertisements, but I always wonder,"Why every SilkAir flight that i took is always packed with tourists?" They came all the way from Europe and the USA just to visit my hometown...and everytime I check in for my flight at the airport, I always overhear the tourists' conversation on how beautiful the underwater world is...What a shame! We, the locals tend to take things for granted...

Btw, the World Ocean Conference has inflicted some inconvenience to the locals right now...My dad told me that since this is the first time Manado is hosting a huge international event, there have been many rules being imposed in order to ensure that everything goes smoothly. The most interesting one is the rule that only allows cars with the plate number ending with an odd number to travel on the odd days, and cars with the plate number ending with an even number to travel on the even days! This aims to ease the traffic jam in the city,hahaha....The cars in my house both end with an odd number! So my mum has to call her friend to pick her up today simply because she wants to go to the salon, hahaha....

Oh I havent been blogging for ages...not because that I have no more complaints about work but it's just that I have started to learn to stop complaining publicly and accept everything as a reality of life,haha...and I have been busy doing 'something'...Hopefully what i have decided to do is the right decision for me!

I used to be strong...
I used to be undaunted by any challenges...
I used to be very optimistic in everything...

Only within a span of 9 months of working life, I have lost all these qualities almost completely...
Where is my strength? Where is my energy? Where is my optimism? Where is my burning desire to excel in a male-dominated field?

I am really tired...I'm tired of getting shit from people...
I get complaints, I get scolding, I get EVERYTHING that's NOT NICE...and it's not even my fault!!!
And I have to tidy up that shit to make everything more presentable to other party...
I have been thrown into the responsibility of tidying up a big mess, created by other people...but I have to tidy them up for the sake of company's name and reputation...
Why cant everyone just be responsible of his/her own task and do everything thoroughly?
Why must there be loopholes here and there for me to pick up and rectify?
Is it because everything is done in a rush? So who shall be blamed?

Haiz...I could simply point to those parties that should be responsible for all this mess...but what's the point of judging others? I'd rather get everything back to track...but it's really painful and mentally-drained to be handling this every single day...

I couldn't take it today to the point that I went to the toilet just to cry my heart out...

Is this really part and parcel of working life?

Homesick :(

The past 3 weeks had been a blast! Isadora came here from New Zealand to do attachments and stayed over at my place. We had such a great fun going out after work, watching movies on weekdays, eating good food, shopping, and having girls talks! It's really great to have her at my place as it brought more fun and joy to my already-so-boring-and-stressful work life.

But the consequence of going out too much and staying up late for most days was me being attacked by the powerful flu bugs. It's a blessing in disguise though...coz I managed to take MC on the day I was supposed to accompany my dad for medical check-up. My precious one-day annual leave is thankfully untouched!

The best part of the past 3 weeks was that my dad came over for the long Easter weekend...25 kg of good food was sent over by my mum (She's really worried that i'm going to die of hunger and starvation here,haha...) I really wished that i could turn back time to couple of days ago when my dad was around to accompany me here...We went to eat good food for Breakfast, lunch, and dinner for every single day...We went to watch "Shinjuku Incident"...We went KTV-ing...We went to the East Coast Park for a walk...It's such a bliss!!!

He left this morning...I dragged myself to work...lots of things happened at work (mostly uncomfortable things)...I went back home to find the house really empty...Tears dropped...I suddenly felt so lonely...I used to go back home together with my dad for the past few days...I used to see Isadora at home when i came back from work for the past 3 weeks...Suddenly I'm alone in that house...I'm so not used to it now...haiz...

I wanna go back Indo...suddenly i felt the urge for it...I wanna go back to my parents...I wanna see them every single day...Maybe one day I should just go back home for good :)

A perfect day!

6 pm : Leave the office
6.30 pm : MOS Burger for dinner
7.15 pm - 9 pm : Shopping! Sales are everywhere!
9 pm - 9.30 pm : Play Photo Hunt at Arcade
9.30 pm - 11.30 pm : Watch "Confessions of a Shopaholic"...Love the movie :)
11.30 pm : Catch the last train home
12 am - 12.30 am : Talk to him
12.30 am - ??? : Sweet dreams (No dreams on work, please...as work is not sweet,haha...)

It felt like a Friday but the reality is today's Thursday! Long day ahead tmr...

Stupid...

She's really stupid to let herself to be trapped in this situation...
She needs to break free...She needs to do it really soon...
She would rather shed the tears now rather than doing it in the future...
And why does jealousy always envelope her everytime she hears that name? Things always turn out wrong when that person's in the picture...Why should that person deprive her of the time that may be hers? Even work can be neglected when it's related to that person...If that person is another person, would he sacrifice the exact amount of time, amidst piling workload? She doubts so...she has even proven it right...
Arrrgh....But maybe she should thank that person...that person may bring freedom to her...
Whatever it is, she doesnt know that person! haha...

Changi Airport!

For the first time, i managed to get to Changi Airport's transit area, without having a ticket and passport on my hand...just a card tapping and fingerprint detection, and there i was...immersed in the sea of travellers...The saddest thing is that i wasn't there to fly but i was there for work!

I was seated at one of the cafes in T2 overlooking the runways...and a SilkAir plane was parked right in front me...The only thought that came to my mind was how i wish i could just get to the plane and fly back home, where i could sleep as long as i wish and be treated like a princess! haha...well, back to reality...i was there for a couple of hours, and i had to get out of that transit area the same way i got in...

Btw, i think my 'don't care' attitude is really seeping through my soul...and it's working well! I don't feel guilty anymore! haha...

Dreams

How often do you dream while sleeping? And what do you usually dream of?

I always have a dream every single day when sleeping...most of the time, those dreams will be forgotten when i woke up and there were times when the dreams were so vivid in my mind...

I have been dreaming a lot abt work recently...There was one night when i dreamt that i needed the contacts of heat pump supplier from one of my colleagues and one colleague passed it to me. That dream happened exactly on the day when i really had to get the contact of the supplier from one of my colleagues, but in the dream, the one who passed me the contact was different from the reality and the contact number was from different company! haha...

Another night i dreamt that the architect scolded me so badly over the phone over things that i couldnt remember...and this dream happened exactly a week after i was really scolded by the architect...

Almost every day one or two of my colleagues will appear in my dream, even my direct boss...One night i even dreamt that my boss became a pilot!!! hahahah.....And the way he flew the plane was very funny...

How do i change the topic of my dreams? Why cant i dream of becoming a princess? Or dream of becoming a tai-tai? haha...

Oh btw, i'm currently learning to adopt the 'Don't care' attitude...wish me luck!

I FELT SO GOOD TODAY!!!

simply because i manage to scold someone! haha...not really scold actually, it just that i spoke to him in a rather unhappy tone over the phone, that my colleague even asked me," Wah, why u talked like that?" after putting down the phone...
I was quite fed up of being asked to do unnecessary things and i felt that i was being bullied...so i managed to escape from this bullying action, and I WON! haha...

It felt so heavenly to be able to reach home when the sky is still bright and to have time to cook my dinner, instead of re-heating, which i normally do,haha...

Btw, i think my previous posts sound very pathetic, with some friends showing concern...haha, actually all those posts were written when i was extremely emotional...i was still angry after writing those posts, but not as angry as when those incidents happened in the office...Overall, this big h00-haa has taught me a few lessons:
- You can't trust someone fully! There are many people out there whose level of responsibility is not equal to yours, even though they may have a longer work experience than you are...
- There is no point blaming others, since you work in a team...If it's not done, it simply means it's not done...and you just have to get it done and stop relying on others, even though they may have already promised you that they'd do it...
- Don't let emotions affect your words...think twice before you utter or write anything to other party...

Suddenly i heard a few "Sorry" being uttered to me today, because of this issue...well, what can a "sorry" do, when eventually i was the one who finished up everything? Anw, this whole issue has come to a close, with the final submission today...I felt extremely satisfied after pressing that 'send' button...

Anw, i am wondering what has happened to some of my colleagues recently...apparently some of my colleagues suddenly have a tendency to brag where they go for a meeting, or whether they just got new prospective project...it just made me recall my own experience...I never really tell the whole world where i usually go for meeting, unless someone asked me...and even though I got prospective projects to do, I never really tell the whole world too, unless being prompted...I will just finish up my work quietly...Then what has happened to some of my colleagues? Without prompting, they could just go on and on saying where they went, where they would be going...and their faces showed that they are not really happy, yet they are bragging!! haha..dont understand them, is it because of stress? Or is it just me? Maybe other people behaves that way....but sometimes i felt that it's really unnecessary for you to do that...

ok, enough story for today...time to hit the sack!

Shitty!

I feel shitty when people throw shits on me for something that i have no control of, for something that's not my fault, for something that I have to bear the full responsibility of simply because I represent the company...I hate to face this and it bothers me so much that the thought of taking MC tomorrow crossed my mind...This is so NOT me!!! The no. of MCs that I took for the whole of my life can really be counted with 1 hand, really...even when i was sick, i still insisted on attending lessons as i didnt want to miss a thing...and can u imagine how bad i hate the situation to the extent that i felt like cheating to the doctor to take MCs...

Eventually i dismissed that thought...i still have responsibilities to fulfil for my other projects, and i shall not let this shit ruins everything...

Clashed!

I am not comfortable with the working style that has become the trend in this company...People are overloaded, they cant deliver what they promise, they lie that they are preparing it, while actually nothing was done, and when the deadline comes, they cant deliver for sure, and when other parties complain, they started to panick...and arrows start flying all over the place to find who to blame...

I hate this kind of working style! I don't like to chase people for something and I also don't like people to chase me simply because i miss the deadline! I don't like to lie! I don't like doing last-minute job because the quality of work produced certainly drops! I don't like to be scolded by others! But I have been forced to do and endure all these...Should i really adapt myself to this kind of working style? Or should I insist on my own style? I dunno who to blame, everyone is really busy in the office...and when 12 hours a day are not enough to finish up all the deadlines, this kind of situation is inevitable!

Haiz...haiz...haiz...btw, looks like i blog more now than when i was still studying...working life is more COLORFUL!!! haha...and this blog has become my 'boyfriend', who gets to know first on all the ups and downs of my working life and who is always ready anytime for me to disturb...I need encouragement, I need a dose of daily messages, I need Good Night's wish, I need to get out of Singapore for some short getaway..........................., and lastly I need to lose weight,hahaha...

Chased...

I have been chased home for a couple of days by the different directors...oh please, i also dont want to stay up so late...but during office hour, i cant concentrate fully, being disturbed by phone calls, chitchats, and so on

Yesterday one of the directors came to my desk while looking at his watch and asked,"Lydia, why are u still here on a Friday night?" well, no date then what to do,haha....might as well finish up what i could right? Sometimes i want to finish up as much as i could coz u dunno what's going to happen the next day...more works with tight deadlines may just come in, and personally I hate to rush!!! However, looks like RUSHING is a work pattern in this company...i'm learning how to still stay calm while rushing,haha...

oh btw, I need to be less gullible...People call me, ask me to do sth, then i agree to it coz i thought i have to really do it, and when i consult the directors, they would ask me to say NO to the other party coz apparently what other party asks for is a form of bullying me,haha...then i have to call the other party and tell them that i'm not going to do it (after initially agreeing to it)...I feel really stupid everyday coz i cant differentiate what is order and what is bullying..

Wondering...

Can a lady become a Professional Engineer and yet able to marry and set up a family at the age that she wish for??? I doubt so...looks like you have to choose either one, right?

Marriage is kinda sensitive issue right now,haha...with biological clock ticking and more and more friends are getting married or on the way there, it's really devastating to know that I cant even foresee myself getting married anytime soon...and those questions, like "So when are u getting married? One year later? already planning for it?" have to always be answered with,"Dunno...not anytime soon...still long way to go" And I hate it when the same question comes from the same person, who already knows the answer and yet still have the perception that when someone of my age has a boyfriend, it means that she's getting married!

Haiz, looks like i'm faced by this phenomenon called "MADESU", which means "MAsa DEpan SUram" or in English it's called '"bleak future"'!

Gimme a break!

Quoting one of my colleagues:
"My wife's problem is my problem...
My problem is NOT my wife's problem...
My children's problem is my problem...
My problem is NOT my children's problem...
My boss' problem is my problem...
My problem is NOT my boss' problem..."

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH HIM! After working for close to 7 months, i started to realize that working under people is not easy! being a boss is really the best!

I'm drained to the core...reaching office before 8am and leaving office at 10pm++ for a few consecutive days are making me weaker...yet how can i reject tasks ordered by big boss? What's the impression that I gonna portray if i refuse not to complete it?

Another colleague commented, "You are an OX rite? Ox is having a very bad time this year, you have to work extremely hard...but next year will be better for you." Hahaha...yah that's so true, it's only the beginning of the year, and i already started to feel my 'bad luck'...

Others have been showing concern when they saw me being the second last to leave office (I cant beat another colleague who most of the time is always the last person to leave office)..."Don't go back too late tonite, better have enough rest!", "Can you still cope?", "Wah, you beat my record...but please don't beat CK's record of not going back home for the whole nite..."

Can these comments change my fate? NO! A deadline still has to be met regardless of these comments...

ARRRRGH!!! I'm soooo tired...why cant i just be like any other girls, who can just enjoy life everyday, slacking, shopping, pampering themselves, and getting anything that they want effortlessly...just find a rich guy and that's it everything is well taken care of, from branded stuffs to free travel holidays...

Ok stop looking up...time to look down and be thankful of what i have!

Don't complain!

When you have more work to do, don't complain! Accept all tasks with open heart and mind...
Be thankful that you are still employed at this period of time...
Be thankful that your company still have on-going projects and more upcoming projects to sustain the operation...
Be thankful that the industry that you are working in is not the worst hit...
Perform at your best and learn as much as you can when you are still young and energetic...
Don't slack too much during your most productive years...

Ok, enough of brain-washing session, haha...I have been telling all these to myself every single day...

Btw, do you know the meaning of this sentence, "Lydia, can i date you?" Ideally, i should be very happy when it's uttered by my prince charming...but when this sentence came out from one of the directors in the office, it just simply means, "Lydia, can i ask you to do more work?" Haiz...oops, no complaint!

FUMING!!!

I have never been soooo angry till this afternoon during lunch, when i couldnt take it anymore, and i just raised my voice at my colleague, the one who has been bullying me all this while...

I have been so busy for the past 1 week...other directors arrowed me to help them with some of their projects and i dont even have time to finish up my work for my own projects!!! Yet this colleague of mine could form his own judgment and make passing remarks that I got arrowed to do all these extra works, simply because i'm so free and got nothing to do and since he always sees me in the office and not outside attending meeting, that supports his conclusion!

I really really raised my voice...my hands were shaking when i scolded him,haha...and i could feel blood rushing to my face...I guess the whole table of guyz notice it...but who cares...It's really very painful to hear someone making this kind of comment, either jokingly or seriously, when u r physically and mentally tired with all this workload...How dare can you say that by staying in the office and not having meeting outside office, it means that i'm very free??? I actually can finish up more work in the office and learn more, rather than attending meetings, that sometimes are a waste of time..and really for my projects, my meetings are mostly held in my own office, in the form of teleconference or face-to-face meeting that doesnt require me to leave my own compound...Well, true enough, if the engineers are not seen in the office, that means they are outside attending meetings, and it just gives the impression that you are so important representing the company and you LOOK BUSY!!! But is it my fault that my meetings are held in my office??? Does it make me look LESS BUSY then? people just dont know how much work i have to do behind the scene...and they just dont realize that by being in the office for the whole of 10-12 hours daily, i am actually doing more work than others who have to be outside for most of the time...haiz...

Another comment that made me boiling was that i got arrowed to do extra work from other directors simply because i'm so FREE and GOT NOTHING TO DO!!! i really wasnt thinking when replying to all his comments in anger,haha...and guess what i boldly told him, " I was arrowed to do all these extra works because of the QUALITY OF MY WORK and not because I'M SO FREE!!!" haha...but logically, if i were so free, why would i stay back in the office everyday till 7-8 pm? and he's fully aware of that as we always do OT together...haiz...dunno where his brain is...I have to neglect my own projects to finish up these extra works from other directors, and my own boss is not even aware of all these extra works assigned to me, yet i agree to all the requests of other directors, i dilligently finished it, and i finished it way before the deadlines! Does he know all these?? NO!!! and how on earth can he shoot me like this?

This afternoon, after all the rage and anger, finally someone showed appreciation at what i have done...The executive director, who asked me to help him do some tasks for his project. He thanked me and even said sorry for overloading me, coz apparently it was discussed in the directors' meeting that i was overloaded, haha....I FEEL LIKE TELLING ALL THESE TO THAT STUPID GUY!!! but right now i dont feel like arguing with him anymore, unless necessary...waste my time and my saliva!!!

I'm WORKAHOLIC...
I'm GULLIBLE...
I'm TOO NICE most of the time...

... and lastly...
I'm unsure of what lies ahead of me...a happy ending?

Very very random...

Today's my first day of work after the one-week block-leave for CNY...couldnt really wake up after getting used to wake up at 9am-10am back home...was dragging myself out of the bed as i know that days and weeks ahead are going to be very busy...On Saturday night after flying back from Indo, i even dreamt that on my first day of work after the holiday, I have to do OT till 11pm!!! and I wasnt the only one in the office...in the dream, it was quite fun though coz lots of my colleagues were also doing OT till 11 pm!! haha...what a crazy dream to start the new week ahead...

Anw, that dream didnt turn into reality...thankfully! i did OT though, but till 8 pm only...and I did OT not only because i couldnt finish my work target, but because i feel guilty of leaving office from 12pm-3pm for the CNY luncheon at Mariott from one of the suppliers...haha...very yummy 8-course lunch, as usual, but that means my diet plan has already gone down the drain on the day i first planned to start...haiz...

oh btw, i flew back to Indo last last Friday, on the day when there was supposed to be CNY celebration at my office...so yah i missed the celebration, and I thought i had also missed the lucky draw for gift hampers that our office had been receiving...that was the first time i saw so many gift hampers (expensive ones) just within a few steps from my work desk...had been eyeing it but i knew that i didnt stand a chance to win any of them...I was shocked this morning when Evan told me that I won something...apparently everyone in the office won that lucky draw,haha...so everyone is lucky!!! I couldnt find any hamper on my desk though when i reached the office in the morning...guess what, i actually won a box of oranges and a box of ba kwa!!! and some nice souls out there put them in the fridge!!!! hahaha...

ok now change topic...when i went back to Indo my mom said this to me, "Don't u consider urself lucky to be working in this company? Within 6 months of working here, u already went back home twice ( a total of 3 weeks!!!)...u even got ur bonus...u received so many lunches and dinners treats at hotels and restaurants...u went to KL...ur direct boss treats u well........" and the list continues...Well, there're always pros and cons to any situation...My stomach welfare is really well taken care of here...with all the expensive food going down my throat at higher frequency as compared to school time,haha....but i have to sacrifice extra hours for OT for most of the days of the week during the time when all the deadlines for all the projects suddenly come at one time...Sometimes doing OT makes me wonder...I thought the economy is slowing down, business is bad, many people are laid off, some are even forced to take unpaid leave, some are very slack at work with nothing much to do...but why on earth am i doing OT for almost every day??? This's exactly the same question posed by my office's security guard to me and Evan when we left the office at abt 8 pm today...haha...I kinda get used to my OT-life though...7-8pm is like the normal time for me...I still remembered clearly how i love to leave office at 6 pm on the dot during my first few weeks at work...but right now the feeling is different...I feel weird if i leave office at 6 pm...I feel like all eyes are looking at me and thinking that I'm so free and got nothing to do...so i never leave office at 6 pm these days, not even 5.45pm (as mentioned in the contract)...

ok now change topic again...I am forcing myself to do sth that will have an impact on me...mostly mentally and psychologically,haha...but i just cant bring myself to do it...I am buying time...waiting for it to happen...I'm very sure that it's going to happen...it's very clear in my mind, the image of it happening is so vivid that it's haunting me almost every day...but i just dont know when...i dunno when i would have the strength to endure the aftermath of it, which is going to be painful but i shld go ahead with that decision...I'm just waiting for the clock to strike the correct timing for things to end...Meanwhile i shld just enjoy and be thankful of what i have...

now i'm very tired...after jotting down so many things that had been running through my mind today...ok time to sleep liao...zzZZZzzzz

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!!!

what a belated wish,haha...but better late than never right?
So, what are my new year's resolutions?
Hmmm...after thinking for ard 10 days, i could finally come up with a list...

1. I will keep a daily record of things that i should be grateful for and things that I learn (mainly the soft skills) DAILY...i shall make it a point to jot it down before i sleep every night...

2. I will exercise more...minimum A JOG A WEEK! haha...

3. I will be more professional at work...I will not bring in any personal issues in handling any case...(this is kinda challenging for me,haha...)

4. I will learn as many tricks as possible from my seniors...mainly tricks to handle clients, authorities, designers, contractors, and so on...

5. I will learn to be more long-sighted, both in my personal life and at work...I must ingrain in my mind the idea that whatever action that i take today will have an impact in the future and i should start doing something to craft my future...(like finding ways on how to be able to settle down by the age of 28! hahaha...)

Oh no, i cant concentrate writing this post anymore...guess why??? coz AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 8 IS BACK!!!