Amnesia? Old age?

My memory is really failing! Recently, when i see some familiar faces in school, i need to pause for a while to think who that person is, where i saw his/her face before, how i got to know him/her, and so on...before i can conclude: "oh, that guy's from my JC", "he's one of the ME guyz in my batch", "she stayed in the same hostel as me last time", "she's so-and-so's girlfriend",...

Once i can remember these facts, then i will at least feel at ease. The worst case is when after thinking for more than 3 weeks, i still cant figure out how that face leaves an impression on my brain. When i attended an energy talk few weeks ago, i saw this guy, whose face is so so so familiar. Besides that i can also remember several occassions when i had conversations with him, though i cant remember the topic of our conversations. And i have a strong feeling that i interacted with him several times before on a regular basis, but i cant figure out where i met him, how i got to know him, and why i interacted with him. I tried recalling my JC days, remembering all my friends in my CCAs...maybe he's from my JC, but i cant imagine him wearing my JC uniform! Then i tried recalling my first year in NUS...nothing came to my mind!

I wanted to 'give up' on this guy...but u know what? this guy has been 'haunting' me since that energy talk,haha...i have been seeing him so often around school nowadays, at least once every week without fail! I saw him this afternoon at the bus stop, and every time i see him, the same process runs through my mind (from recalling my JC days to my first year in NUS), yet i still cant find the answers to all my questions. And i think he saw me too and his eyes say clearly,"Who on earth are you?" haha...

Is that guy going to 'haunt' me till i can remember who he is??? hahaha...

Maybe my brain is overloaded...or i'm really getting old...and i think the 'forgetful virus' that i caught frm someone makes it worse,haha...you know who you are! :>

FYP mood

My soft toys are also stressed up, after staring at me, who has been staring at computer screen from 7 am this morning till 11 pm at night, busily churning out sentences after sentences for my thesis. The pink Lyd bear is also envying her partner, who is slacking and hibernating on a cosy bed in Stockholm, enjoying the long easter break...while Lyd bear has no holiday at all!!!

I think i'm turning crazy,hahaha...i have been literally SLEEPING with journals for the past few days...and for the whole of this project, i have also read close to 100 journals (i mean it! no exaggeration...i was so bored and tired just now that i started counting the no of journals i have read for the past 8 months with such a great satisfaction,hahaha...). Although i cant possibly list all the journals in the references section, but there were several occasions when my experimental results or simulation results turned out to be not as expected and there would just be one or two journals, which thankfully support my results! And i would continue writing my analysis in smile...

Only about 1 week left to the day for the submission of first draft report...To all my fellow Engin friends, who need to submit FYP first draft on Mar 31, JIA YOU!!! We can do it!!!

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I MISS HIM BADLY :( :( :(

I WANT TO HAVE A LOOOOOOOONG EASTER BREAK... :(

I ALSO WANT TO TRAVEL... :(


*Lysia once said that those words in the smallest font possible are going to attract more attention than the words in biggest font* hahaha...

If I could re-live my undergraduate life in NUS...

- I would attend all the talks related to Energy: conservation of energy, development of clean energy, research in renewable energy, potential jobs in energy industry...
- I would choose a design project related to Energy...
- I would choose Sweden to be my SEP destination...(Sweden has relied on renewable energy to support 40% of her energy consumption, UNBELIEVABLE!)
- I would take extra modules in Sweden related to renewable energy
- I would do specialization in Energy...
- All my technical electives would be related to Energy...
- I would choose FYP topic on renewable energy...
- I would look for jobs in clean energy industry...
- I would still be joining ROTARACT CLUB (coz that's my best decision i've ever made in NUS,haha...)

And at the end of my 4 years, I WOULD HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE TO THE WORLD!!! isnt it what we, as engineers, are supposed to do? Use the technology to change the world!!!

And in the future, i would be an expert in Energy...and i would be going around schools and institutions giving talks on Energy...i would be part of the panelists in a discussion forum or conference on energy issue,hahahah...

Sorry, i'm going crazy at the moment...hahaha...blame it to the Engineering Professionalism project that i'm currently doing. My group is investigating the issue of Peak Oil...and doing this project has opened up my eyes (VERY WIDE) to the problems faced by the world today...and has interestingly sparked a great interest in me...

Look at how messy my undergraduate life has been:
- No particular field of interest...
- Vacation Internship Programme at DSI - hard disk research...
- SEP to UK - went there for pure fun...
- Design project - built a robot to grab blocks...
- No specialization...
- FYP - Cryosurgery (cancer)...
- Future job - dunno...no particular field...

Extremely satisfied...

I have to give two thumbs up for the Lions Befrienders volunteers-including Huey Jing and Yifang, the two leaders of this project. They are really a bunch of very creative people! Not only the Chinese New Year celebration gets better every year with their creative ideas...the monthly lunch service for the elderly gets more enjoyable too.

This morning's activities were really the best as compared to the past 2 years' monthly lunch service. Charade...performance...singing...dancing...All brought great laughter not only among the elderly but also among the volunteers!

At the end of today's lunch service, i feel very satisfied! I could really sense the sincerity, the passion, and the enthusiasm among the volunteers...It just feels great to know that these volunteers are enjoying what they are doing (this's what i have always been aiming to achieve in any project). Waking up early on a Sunday morning can really be seen as a chore...especially during this period, when everyone is deprived of sleep, thanks to NUS! But when you try putting urself in the shoes of these elderly, you will realize that the few hours you sacrifice on a Sunday morning can bring so much joy and laughter, which the elderly dont get to experience often...

The volunteers...posing with the props...

Btw, just for your info, the volunteers in the pic are all Malaysians, except me (Indonesian) and Hanyang (Singaporean). Hmmm, where are all the Singaporeans???

*i miss doing community service with him...huhuhu...*

High Expectation

I tend to set high expectation in anything related to me...be it in doing school work, group project, in finding job, in friendship and even in a relationship. Hmmm...blame it to the way i was brought up i guess, coz i realized that having a high expectation has been so deeply ingrained in me that it's harder for me to change the way i handle things.

In any task that i handle i always expect myself to put in my best, regardless of anything...and my satisfaction level depends on whether i have met my expectation or not. This has knowingly or unknowingly affect other ppl around me as well...oh and i'm so sorry about it! i'm trying to control myself as well...Without fail, everytime i call home, my dad keeps on reminding me to be less ambitious...he often complains to my brother on how ambitious i am! And of course i will always reply,"Yah yah..." to him, but in fact i never change!!! The ambition stays there no matter what...How? I dont want myself to be so burdened by this ambition as well, but most of the time, i find myself helpless but to stick with it and carry it forward to the next level...

I am wondering, is 'expecting to receive a reply from a friend whom i wish Happy birthday to' is another example of me setting a high expectation? I think it's not, right? Isn't it part of courtesy for you to reply to your friend who has taken effort to remember your birthday and to even message you???

Anyway, i find myself physically and mentally weaker nowadays,haha...I wonder how i could survive on 4-5 hours sleep last time in Year 2 and Year 3 Sem 1 when i was so busy handling both school work and Rotaract projects at the same time. I had 6 hours of sleep last nite after promising myself that i need to put in more efforts in school work and i find myself extremely tired today...haiz...I need my energy back, at least to last me for the next 2 months!!!

oh u know what, my bf had stepped into the Arctic Circle, stepped into Ice Hotel, seen the nothern lights, eaten reindeer meat and drank reindeer broth...how cool is that!!! I ALSO WANT!!!! huhuhuhuhuhu.....

THE STRESS BUG HAS FINALLY HIT ME!!!
ARRRGHHHH...
LYD IS STRESSED!!!

Stunned...

For the first time in this semester, instead of rambling about problems i faced for my simulation to my prof, i finally presented my successful simulation models!!!

After explaining everything to him, he asked me this question, a question that stunned me for minutes..."Can you write me a technical paper on this, ON TOP OF UR FYP REPORT?" I didnt say YES, neither did i say NO...the only sentence that came out of my mouth instantly,"DO I HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO DO IT? MOST OF THE JOURNAL PAPERS I READ ARE VERY CHIM!"

"Why not? You dont need to use bombastic words...write simple and short sentences..." He went on saying that i should write around 30-35 pages, double-spaced...he continued talking about the details of the report, what should be put into the introduction, and so on...

Hmmm...i dunno whether i should be excited about this or i should start mourning. If he can guarantee 100% that i'll get what i want, then i shld be happy right...but this added task puts additional strain on me...I still have to finish up my most important task: my 50-pages FYP report which is still unfinished and is due at the end of the month...haiz...I could postpone doing this technical paper till the end of this semester, but that still means additional work to be done at the time when i am supposed to be celebrating the end of my formal education life!

But the more i think about it, the more i find this as a great opportunity for me. Before taking up this project, i dreamt that i will be able to contribute to the cancer research. But the more i get involved in this project, the more my dream gets further and further from reality as i found out so many intensive research carried out by many researchers around the world on this topic...and there's no way i could beat all these researchers. Now there seems to be a bit of spark...should i agree to my Prof's order?

Déjà vu

I was standing in the packed D bus this afternoon when i overheard this conversation by 2 guyz whom i suspected to be ME year 3 students. One guy was carrying a skeleton of a prototype and he told his friend,"We should die die finish our fabrication by this week! Else no time liao...then next week have to do programming!" His friend then agreed to him and continued saying,"Hopefully nothing will go wrong...hopefully it will work." I smiled when i heard this conversation...an EVIL smile indeed! hahaha...I was in their shoes last semester...as optimistic as they were before the 1001 problems arised. They really dont know what lies ahead of them,hahahaha...it feels good to be laughing now...oops, sorry...i know that i'm quite mean! but u have to go through what i have gone through to understand my feeling right now.

The conversation then continued. It was indeed long enough to entertain me from Science to Central Library. One guy asked,"Where can we buy the screws?" His friend replied,"I think some neighbourhood shops should have." "Do we need to measure it first? Or we can just say M6 screws?"... "We need to see Mr. blah blah blah to find out about this"... "Do we need to meet our prof to report our progress?"..."No need lah, we just concentrate on fabrication!"...

All these sentences sound too familiar to be ignored. That explains my continuous smile from Science to Central Library. Hopefully nobody noticed it!

Random

Mid-term break is coming to an end. Unlike last semester's mid-term break when i was so caught up in doing robot for the whole of 7 consecutive days, this time round i could finish up more than one task. I had time to do community service, time to go out for outings with different groups of friends, time to sleep for 8 hours daily, enough time to do my FYP and start writing my thesis, enough time to do my Engin prof project, and enough time to apply to all the companies that i wish to join.

Sometimes it makes me worried...Why do i look slacker this semester? when others are like racing against time to finish up all the works. Even my bf popped out this question before,"Is ur workload lesser this semester? Or are you getting smarter?" haha...Well, i am trying to work harder this semester and i think i still havent put in my best efforts...second half of the semester is my last chance to change something (if it can be changed). I promise to be less slack starting tmr onwards!!!

My FYP is progressing really well....and i'm so so so so happy and relieved. After struggling for close to 2 months, my simulation model seems to be working!!! And i think my prof must have labeled me as 'the most kiasu' FYP student, who always chases him every week without fail,haha...sorry Prof, i need my A!!! hahahaha.....

Job applications have been submitted to various companies...wishing to be called up for interview soon. Bombardier and Siemens, I really really want to get in there...but how can i beat thousands over applicants for a single-digit number of positions available...haiz...

I met up with the SEP people a few days ago and it feels good to be reminiscing the good time we had in Europe. It has been a year since we were enjoying our life there...how i wish i can turn back time, and relive those days...My postcards pasted on the wall in my bedroom started to fall down one by one, is this a sign that i should go back to reality and stop dreaming about Europe??? (actually it's because the blue tack has dried up, hahaha...)

Btw, do check this out: Love is all around!
It's a blog launched by NUS Rotaract Club, aiming at collecting personal and inspiring entries about your experience in volunteerism and community involvement. Please contribute your entry if u want to inspire others!

Time to get back to work...