I just received an email from SembCorp (the company that has been donating $$$ to me for the past 3.5 years), asking for all the scholars to sumbit resume and transcript so as to be considered for job application. Well, i have never thought of working in SembCorp...it doesnt make into the list of companies that i wish to apply to, partly because i'm not really interested in marine, off-shore projects and waste management. I also dont like the idea that i have to reject any offers from other companies if i were offered a job by SembCorp...although i have been spending SembCorp's $$$, haha...

My mum, on the other hand, was the most excited when i told her abt the email (I havent even landed a job there!) simply because she knows that there's SembCorp in Indonesia and she simply wants me to go back to Indonesia either in the midst of my bond or after that 6 years bond. She would be much happier if i can go back home, marry an Indonesian (her friends are trying to matchmake their sons with me...let me repeat again "their SONS"...it gets obvious when they started to interview my mom abt my graduation day, whether i gonna stay in Singapore, and started promoting their sons), and settle down in Indonesia.
My dad prefers me to stay in Singapore, a much more stabler country than Indonesia. Everytime i tell him about any company that i'm interested in, he'll keep on reminding me not to be so ambitious simply because i'm a girl, haha...The idea of me pursuing Master degree also doesnt get a complete approval yet from my parents, with the same reason: I should not be so ambitious as i'm a girl...

Well, my parents do let me decide for myself what's best for me...and honestly, at this point of time, i have no idea what lies ahead of me...I simply cant predict what is going to happen in the next 6 years, the same way i could not predict that i would be studying in Singapore when i was in primary school.

So i guess, i'll just let time pass by and hopefully along the way, i will find enlightenment of what my future will be...I'll still be sending my resume and transcript to SembCorp though...Being kiasu, i simply cant miss out any opportunity...

I miss Europe!

I feel like going back to Europe!!!

I really really miss Europe...especially after listening to his stories, looking at his pictures and looking at my collection of SEP pics...

Hmmm, maybe that's the reason of me being excited everytime i found out about a company that will send its employees for overseas training to Europe...and these companies are in my top list of companies that i should apply to.

I really really hope i get another chance to be in Europe again...

Random

My FYP Interim presentation is over and thankfully, luck was on my side. Instead of being shot with questions by the examiner, i was just given an alternative to my experiment and my whole presentation ended with repeated 'thank you' from my supervisor for speeding up my presentation as they were behind time. He wasn't aware that i sped up simply because i had practised with that speed of talking given the amount of materials that have to be presented within 8 minutes.

Next on the list for FYP would be the continuation of my simulation, which has been stagnant for the past 1 month. I found some enlightenment after discussing my problem with an expert from the computer centre. Hopefully luck will be on my side again this time round. I shall not complain about my FYP as i know that i'm not the only one who is lost in this final semester. I recently overheard a conversation by my fellow ME friends...they were complaining abt FYP as well, about how unsure they are of what is expected frm them...about how the graduate student neglect them...about how hard the software they have to learn frm scratch is...about their supervisor who shows no interest in the project...and many more complaints. I am as blur as them...i'm only fully aware that i should get the grade that i have been aiming for.

Jobs application have started. And only during this period that i started to question myself...or shoud i say to doubt myself. I have been recently doubting my ability to work out there as an engineer. I have no particular field in mind...i'm just very sure that i will not be shifting direction in terms of career for this moment...engineering field will still be in my top priority. Reading about company profiles and job openings available is not of much help. Those information just give me a vague idea of what i will be doing daily as an engineer. And i'm really doubting my ability, given the fact that i always return most of what i have studied to the Professors after every examination and i believe i'm not the only one doing that and i'm sure i'm part of the majority of students doing that. Many said it's the training on how to think that will bring me far into the working world out there. I hope that's the case.

I'm much much better now, thanks to Skype!!! i guess i'm back to my normal state,haha...Being able to chat with him simply makes my day, even if that requires me to wake up early in the morning to match the 7 hours difference between Stockholm and Singapore. His SEP experience seems to be much more interesting than mine...having the International student association who is actively organizing activities to welcome the new students. How i wish i can be on SEP again,haha...Well, a wish remains a wish...it's the reality that i should be concentrating on!

Ok back to doing FYP...I LOVE FLUENT!!!

One week has passed!

It has been exactly a week since i last met him...
I get slightly better, thanks to all my friends, who have been cheering me up, asking me out, and accompanying me for meals and thanks to FYP which has been occupying my time.
My appetite is back to normal...and now everytime i look at my watch, my brain will automatically deduct 7 hours to get the time in Stockholm...
I need more time though to get back to the maximum concentration level, hopefully another week or so... I promise myself that i have to end my last semester of my education life in the most honorable way,if possible, haha...so i gonna put my very best this semester!

It's painful...

The fact just sank in deeper...and i find tears swelling in my eyes again...
Doing FYP for 10 hours straight in the computer lab was not of much help either...
Every spot in school reminds me of him...
It's only less than a day...a day out of 180 days!

wishing for time to fly...

he left for Sweden this morning...
on the contrary to what i expected to happen, i didnt drop a single tear...my tear glands have dried up, totally dried! Not seeing him go right in front of my eyes helped to control the gland as well...
So here i am waiting for 6 months to pass by, hoping that it really gonna be very fast, trying to preoccupy my mind with all sorts of things, but him...and making a promise to myself that i gonna end my last semester in NUS in the same way i started it...a very NERDY way! haha...

My feeling is numb...nothing is right inside me, but i simply cant put down what i feel...haiz...