Christmas Wish

My company has a very interesting way of celebrating christmas...Each one of us is supposed to write 3 christmas wishes (within the budget of $10-$15) on a piece of paper and hang it on the Christmas tree at the receptionist area. Then each one would have to pick a name, and grant one of that person's wishes...

I saw many interesting wishes, like ez link card, NTUC voucher, CASH in a red packet, and SCALE RULER (which actually only costs less than a dollar!) haha...Scale ruler is actually one of our main tools at work...without it, you would have to keep relying on calculator to measure any drawings from the architect...

Well, I have already written my 3 wishes at work, which are in the form of items...If i were to make another wish, that would be, "I wish everything that bothers me so much now, will turn well at the end."

"Life is not a fairy tale..." but why others' lives seem to be like a fairy tale to me???

I'm wondering...why cant my December be as perfect as i wish it would be? :( :( :(

KL trip

If i were to describe my first business trip in 3 words, that would be:

TIRING
First day ~ The moment we touched down at KL airport, we rushed straight to the meeting place, with our luggage...went to grab a quick lunch...meeting and discussion lasted till 8 pm at night...went back to the hotel to check in, ate dinner, continued doing some work till 11 pm, unpacked, bathed, and finally concussed...

Second day ~ Breakfast @ 7 am, grabbed a cab to the meeting place, meeting started @ 8 am all the way till 6 pm with only Lunch break and toilet breaks in between...afterwards, went to the site where the building would be built...went to the mall for dinner...traffic jam...then finally reached the hotel @ 10 pm...bathed, watched TV for few minutes, concussed...

Third day ~ Same routines repeated till 6 pm...walked around the mall, ate dinner, went back to hotel, started packing up the luggage, watched TV, then concussed...

Fourth day ~ FINALLY, i could wake up at 8 am...instead of 6 am!!! Ate breakfast @ 9 am, checked out of the hotel...and SHOPPING all the way till 4 pm...went back to the Hotel to take the luggage, took the cab down to KL Sentral, took the KLIA express train to the airport, shopped in the airport, and finally off to Singapore...

I used to have a very naive thought that it would be very fun and enjoyable to be able to get the job that allows you to travel frequently...My first business trip proved it wrong, haha...Despite having such a big hotel room to myself, I had neither time nor energy to really enjoy it...I planned to soak myself in the bath tub every day, but i really didnt even have the energy to wait for the bath tub to be filled...the only wish that I had every day after the meeting was just to SLEEP! The responsibility that i had on my shoulder was very minimum for this trip, yet i already felt the physical strain on myself...I wonder how would it be like if I were like my senior or my boss...


INTIMIDATING
Throughout the whole 3 days-meeting, I really felt like I was just a little girl in the sea of working professionals...people who are experts in their own fields, who have years of history in this industry behind them, whose experience are uncomparable to the level that I'm standing on now, whose charisma could send chills down my spine...I met architects and structural engineers from the renowned US company, a team of Japanese architects, structural engineers, and M&E engineers, a team of architects from Singapore and Malaysia, a team of kitchen consultant, fire consultant, facade and landscape consultant, security consultant...The whole team for this project was really there...a total of about 40 of us...It's really really scary!


INSPIRING
I am greatly inspired by the client...She's only 1 year older than me and yet she has the ability and the power to control everyone in the meeting, even those who are much much more older than her. The way she talks...the way she carries herself...the way she takes control of the situation...the way she delegates tasks...are really what i admire the most. I kept on asking myself,"When can I be like her?" Well, the power of money also plays a role in shaping such a character, i believe...I also love the way she rallied the whole team together, encouraging us to trash our ego and to work together hand-in-hand to deliver a better building...
The presentation by the structural engineers caught my attention the most. I loved studying about trusses, beams, and all sorts that require the calculation of forces, tension, etc during my university days...My job is not related to all these though, but I had the chance to see the structural engineers discussing about post-tension beams, trusses, shear walls...deciding where to put them in the structure of the building, carrying out simulation to analyse the swaying of the building...i think it's really really cool!!! A lot of hard work though...and their job is more risky than mine...


Well, overall I really learnt a lot from this trip...I have to thank my boss for giving me the opportunity to be exposed to this kind of environment...To bring a building to life really requires so much efforts and cooperation from so many parties and it took years to complete, so please dont take for granted the apartment unit that you are staying, the shopping mall that you visit, and any buildings that you step into...

It took me more than a month of hard work...countless hours of over-time...before finally getting the chance to follow my senior and my boss to KL for meeting...Yippeee...I never imagine this to happen so soon!!! I thought I have to wait for years before I could fly with them...well, looks like when u persevere, perform at your best, and never give up, the opportunity will come right at your doorstep...

My boss, who pities me for working so hard, even asked me and my senior to extend our ticket so that we can shop around next Saturday in KL ;)

I'm pretty excited...mainly because I could meet the angmohs and japanese, whose faces were never made known to me but whose voices are so familiar, thanks to the weekly tele-conference,haha...

Right now, the challenge that lies ahead of me is how to put on a professional mask during that 3-days meeting next week, such that I wont look as blur as sotong...

I suddenly feel like listing down those places that I would like to go this December...with a special someone...
- Singapore Botanical Garden
- Kent Ridge Park, all the way to Mount Faber
- Marina Barrage
- And lastly, i want to go photo-taking along Orchard Road...

Hmmm...got time or not ah? I only have less than 2 weekends to do all these, before Home Sweet Home...

I have only worked for 4 months, and I think I really really need...

A SECRETARY!!!

I need a secretary for the following reasons:
- to regularly tidy up my desk
- to file all my important documents and drawings for all my projects
- to edit tables and reports
- to make coffee
- to compile all my taxi receipts and claim the $$$
- to remind me of the schedule of meetings and trainings, the deadlines, and so on...

hahaha...what a crazy wish! but I really feel more tired doing all these things than doing the technical work...and when I'm so caught up with so many things to do, the obvious consequences of neglecting all the above are unorganized files (into which I dumped all the documents without arranging properly) and an extremely messy desk, whose surface is unseen by naked eyes, hahahaha...

well, i'm learning to be less messy, to write nicely, to be very organised...like the Japanese ;)

Encouragement @ Work

I was tired...
I was hungry...
I was eating Tango wafer that my mum brought over from Indo...

Then suddenly an encouragement message came from an unexpected source:


A hidden message inside the packet of wafer, which says "Jangan Menyerah" ... it means "Don't give up" in English...

Hahaha, what a coincidence rite? The first thing that I did after seeing this message was turning to Evan to tell him what i saw,haha...and we broke into laughter!

I'm not giving up...I know I'm doing the right thing...and I hope this's the best for me...

I'm falling in love with the way Japanese talk in their own language...not that i want to learn that language though,hehe...

I am really amazed at how volatile my mind is...Most of the time I can be extremely energetic and enthusiastic at work daily, with such a firm mind that I'm loving what I'm doing and the next few hours, I could be very down, feeling over-stretched and extremely weak that I really dont wish I would be working like this in the long run...I think I need to see the buildings that I have been planning, standing tall and solid in front of me as soon as possible!!! haha, wait long long, lydia...

Hmm...I think I should at least be thankful that I'm not wasting my time at office doing nothing...

Contemplation ~ Part 2~

There were days when I was very sure that this's really the job that I want...getting the chance to work on the field which is highly related to my degree, having the opportunity to contribute to the betterment of mankind, fulfilling my dream of working in male-dominated field...during this time, i would promise myself that I would stay in this company for at least 2 years, just to see through the completion of 2 condo projects that I'm currently handling...I really really want to see the buildings materialize right in front of my eyes...

However, with more and more of my close colleagues leaving the company, I started to doubt my future in this company...my gang is getting smaller and smaller, while the alumni club is expanding,haha...How long could i survive here? What's the point of staying in this industry if in the end i have to go back home for good? What's the point of learning all these basics of building services and dwell so much in this industry if in the end i would not even register to be Professional Engineer?

My ultimate goal is still very blur in my mind...haiz...I need enlightenment!!!

I survived an extremely hectic week!

For the first time, I clocked in close to 70 working hours in a week...

For the first time, i wasnt looking forward to Friday, simply because I couldnt finish my work and had to rush through it before Friday's meeting...

For the first time, i went back to the office on Saturday for 7 straight hours of meeting...

I was physically tired yet extremely satisfied simply because I really really learnt a lot, through the meetings and discussions...Honestly, I felt enriched at the end of the week,haha...I believe NUS has trained me well to survive this kind of hectic week without much complaints...

I was the second last person to leave office today...
I left not because I had finished my work, but because I was scared to be the last one in the office...haha...

Contemplation ~ Part 1~

Work has been pretty light this week...my office outlook email has been pretty quiet too...With boss being outstationed and one of my senior engineers doing reservist, I could finally take a breathe at work, a relief after doing so many OT hours for the past 2 weeks...

I have been trying hard to answer all the questions that are always running in my mind daily...With more exposure at job, with the experience for the past 3 months, i still think it's too early to decide if this is what i really want.
Firstly, i cant even answer this question with a complete certainty:
Is money my motivation of working?
Or is it the satisfaction of being a consultant, who can one day proudly claim that I was involved in the development of this building...of that building...?
Or is it the satisfaction of being one of the few girls in this male-dominated field?

The latter is losing its importance in my mind right now, even though I love to be "the only girl on the round/rectangular table", or like what my colleague (the one who always bullies me) said, to be 'Miss Thorn' (instead of the rose among the thorns), simply because no matter what I do, a lady will always be a lady...I will never be able to talk to contractors or suppliers or project managers (who are mostly males), in a man-to-man kind of conversation. There will always be a gap, a gap that I predict to be a bit hard to cross to bring myself to the same level as men...Being in this consulting industry, in which we rely on our professional fees, makes it worse as we need to build a good rapport with these men...My senior, thought otherwise. According to him, being a lady has an advantage, as the contractors, or other parties usually will not scream, shout and curse at each other during meetings, in the presence of a lady...and you'll tend to get a better treatment simply because you wear skirt (i.e you are a lady). His comments are partially true, but i really still think that there is no way I could be on par with men in this field! This pessimistic thought is the one that tends to spark another thought of settling down soon and becoming a housewife, or better still a taitai,haha...

I am learning a lot everyday at work: technical concepts, real applications, and most importantly how to handle people of different working styles, characters, and attitudes...I was warned by my interviewer that the learning curve of a consultant in this industry is very steep for the first few years...True enough, I still remembered my first few days at work, when I was so intimidated by my colleagues, who were talking on the phone about all the things that were so unfamiliar to me and whose desks were full of A1-sized drawings to be checked...Every day I used to wonder, what are we supposed to check? What if i dont know what to look up on the drawings? What if i cant even decipher the drawings? My days were simply filled with questions...What is meeting in this industry like? What do they discuss during meetings? If i were to attend the meeting alone, how scary would it be? If i dont know how to answer the questions during meetings, what am i supposed to do? When I was given my first Condominium project and when the architect sent me the architectural drawings and asked me for the M&E space, I was stunned. I remembered staring at the drawings, like a sotong, and asking to myself, " What am i supposed to do with these drawings?", "What are the spaces that I need to inform the architect?", "How do i know how big should the spaces be?"

The answers to all of these questions were slowly unraveled days by days, weeks by weeks, months by months, as my experience starts to build up...Having answered all those questions do not free my mind from other questions...Honestly, everyday at work I'm still asking a lot of questions...I made mistakes, I corrected them, I promised myself not to repeat the same mistakes again...There is simply no end to this learning process!

Take one step at a time

A few days ago marked the end of my 3 months of working life in Squire Mech...Throughout these 3 months, i have come to a conclusion that STUDYING is so much more enjoyable than WORKING! I do like and enjoy what i'm doing at work though...it's just that at work, u have to adapt to many different characters and many different working styles of people...and u have to endure working with people, whose working style crashes with yours.

I used to tell all my interviewers last time that I LOVED TO LIAISE WITH PEOPLE...i cant imagine myself working by my own within the walls of my cubicle...Now in SM, I'm so overwhelmed by the amount of liaising that has to be done! I need to work closely together firstly with the client, the architect, and the structural engineer. I need to work closely with my company's planning and designing team...I need to liaise with all the authorities that would be involved in building construction...Later on, I need to work closely with contractors...The more i think of all these liaising that has to be done in a cycle of a project, the more sleepless nights I would have. I got what i want in a job...i got the opportunities that i want...but i got TOO MUCH of it, that i'm not sure i can handle it. Everyday in office, I would calm myself down by saying, "Lydia, take one step at a time!" A building is not built overnight...so i dont need to be stressful of all the different stages that i have to go through, as a consultant...I'll face it when the time comes...

There were times when I was so angry at the rich people, simply because I have to do over-time planning for the high-end condominium, which is to be built for the rich, and yet i cant even afford to buy A SQUARE FOOT of that condominium, with my own pay. I have to size the water tank to ensure that they will have enough supply of water, when the water from the mains is cut off. I have to size the fire tanks to ensure that when there's fire, there's enough water to save them. I have to plan the sanitation pipes that run through their toilet and kitchen, I have to ensure that the pipe is not running across other people's living room or bedroom. I have to ensure that there's enough space for their AC Condensing units...I have to argue with the architects to give me the Mechanical & Electrical space that i need for the development...and let me tell you, that this is only the PRELIMINARY stage of a building project.

When my mind is clear, my thinking will be different. Actually these rich people provide jobs for us in this industry...without these rich people who are willing to purchase this expensive condominium, the developer would not go to an extra length to borrow $$$ from the bank to build it, and the rest of the parties in the building industry wont have jobs to do!!! haha...so yah i'm only angry at these people when i'm very tired...

I have attended a few formal dinners, in which for one of them i met my FYP prof ( I really have to thank him for his compliments to my big boss, hehe...), and for all of the dinners, I met many big bosses in this building industry...It's kinda cool and inspiring to meet all these people...and I would always have my own little wish that I could be like them one day, or maybe at least i could be the taitai, who follows the big boss in all of these formal events...Either one of the wishes is way beyond my reach at this time, haiz...how long more shld i wait???

How long more will i be in this industry? How long more can i survive in this company? Is this really what i want to do for at least the next 6 years (to serve my bond)? Should i go home for good? Would life be much more better and enjoyable back home? Should I get married early? haha... but then marry who??? When i settle down, do i still need to work like this? Shoud i just become a taitai? But how to become a taitai? My mind is drowned with all these unanswered questions every day...maybe i should just "Take one step at a time"...and concentrate on my ambition to be EXECUTIVE ENGINEER in 2 YEARS!!! hmmmm.....possible or not ah???

Random blabber

Oops, this blog has been pretty quite for the past 2 months, blame it to the 8.30-to-6 working hours every weekday. I have been wanting to write a lot about my job but i just havent gotten time to really sit down and craft those stories.

But for the past few days, there have been lots of things that bother me, to the point that I really need an avenue to vent it out. I have been having heart-to-heart conversations with my housemate, who is currently struggling to overcome both homesickness and stress at work. It is really not easy to counsel someone, even though I was once in her shoes 9 years ago when i first moved to Singapore. We have been talking a lot about life, our future, our friends and many more...Those conversations made us realize that we are pretty similar, in the sense that we dont get things that we want easily...we always have to put in efforts and work hard to get what we want and sometimes despite the efforts that we put in, we dont exactly get what we want...well, life is unfair, isn't it? And as human beings, we tend to compare ourselves to others, who fare better as compared to us, in term of work, pay, relationship, and many more...

Then I started to realize that if i were to compare myself to my friends in my hometown, i can easily conclude that I'm really behind them in terms of a lot of things. When I was busily studying during secondary school in Manado, lots of my friends were already busily dating...When I moved to Singapore, i was struggling with English and i continued to bury myself with my school work, my Manado friends were enjoying the high school period back then, with so much less work and more time to do other things except studying. They enrolled in the university earlier than me and eventually graduated earlier than me too...When i was struggling with university life in Singapore, many of them graduated and started to work...When i started dating, some of them have already planned for their wedding...When i graduated and just started to work my ass off to earn a living, some of them had gotten married and more friends are planning for marriage...and all these things just make me wonder, "When is my turn?" haha...even though i know that i am blinded by the bliss of marriage that is portrayed through the beautiful pre-wedding pictures posted in friendster and facebook and those honeymoon pictures that always tempt my fingers to click on them...

My parents just attended my friend's wedding last Saturday...they were simply representing me since i am not home...and today when i talked to my parents, they informed me of my other good friend who just sent an invitation to them for her engagement party...I was totally in shock, what happens to this world? Why are people getting married early? Even earlier than my mom's age, which was 25, when she got married...I initially thought marrying early is not the trend in today's world...maybe i'm just living in Singapore's context? And being in this context for years, does it mean that i will succumb to the trend of living here?

Haiz, the more i think about the future, about what is going to happen to me in the next few years, about my work, about relationship...the more i feel like running away from this reality and simply live in a dream...a dream with a happy ending ;)

Graduation!

Finally, after close to 20 years of formal education (12 years in Indonesia and 8 years in Singapore), the whole of my education journey was officially closed on July 13, 2008.

Pride? Yes!
Satisfaction? Yes!
Joy? Yes!
Sad? Yes!
Disappointment? Yes!
Scared? Yes!

There were mixed feelings...feelings that i cant really describe in words. The smile that u saw in the pictures would have been a happier smile if i could get what i had been dreaming of 2 years ago: getting First Class Honours. I missed my dream by 0.02 points. I made a promise that i would never regret whatever the last result was as i had really done my very best - I worked my ass off for my Final Year Project, I took extra module just for the sake of pushing my CAP, I mugged days and nights, I put in my very best in everything - projects, tests, assignments, and exams, I submitted examination review when I was not satisfied with the result of one module and appealed to my Professors - yet on the day of my graduation i still had the biggest regret of my life, the regret that i couldnt be the only girl in that group of First Class Honours Graduates. Yah, i always dream to be the only girl in this...the only girl in that...looks like this has been my long-life ambition,haha...
I got the grade that I wanted for my FYP, for Engin Prof, but not for my elective - just a one grade jump would have changed reality...but well, that wasn't the reality!

Nevertheless, I am still grateful for everything...

I have a loving family, who has been supporting me all this while, especially my parents, who have moulded me into who i am now and who are always there to listen to all my complaints in NUS, to cheer me up every time i cried over exam results, to encourage me to stop studying so hard ( I never listen to them though!)...and not forgetting all the things they did when i was still studying in Indonesia...I simply cant list them one by one. Till the day i officially graduated, my dad still cheered me up by saying,"I still think you are the best girl in ME!" He knows me well...he knows my dream...he knows my ambition...and he knows how to make me smile! Thank you so much, Dad! Thank you so much, Mom!

My brother, once told me that Mechanical Engineering suits me well, simply because i could solve his mechanics problems, which he and his friends couldn't solve. Taking the same course as me but in other university, he always consulted me for his assignments. Initially i could help him, but as time passed by, more and more of my brain cells were killed due to sleep deprivation and all the problems that he asked me to solve, I couldnt solve at all. He always scolded me for forgetting all that i have learnt in the previous semesters...but too bad, i couldnt beat nature! Just chatting with my brother every day, talking about all non-sense could really brighten up my days in university. Thank you, Bro! Btw, i think my bro looked really handsome on my graduation day,haha...

I am very thankful that my grandma could attend my commencement as well. Unfortunately, i couldnt get extra ticket for her to watch me inside the hall. Look at the smile on her face...i think it looks happier than mine! She has been attending her grandchildrens' graduation and mine wasnt the first one! I am really grateful that she could be with me on this very day.

My boyfriend has been very supportive all this while...There were several times when i felt like giving up the dream of pursuing that First Class Honors, but he was the one who encouraged me to push on and work towards that goal. I would never forget the times when we did community service together, studied in the library after lessons, had dinner together after long day of lectures...and the daily Skype calls during my last semester in NUS. Those calls were what i looked forward to each and every day. Thank you for patiently listening to all my ramblings, my complaints...for all the advice that you have given me and for believing in me! And lastly, thanks for the biggest bouquet of pink flowers on my graduation,haha...

My best friends in NUS - Evan, Lysia, and Diah...Every day i would always have stories to tell and i couldnt keep all the stories to myself - it could be stories abt what happened during the day in school, gossips about people, and many more other interesting stories...and these 3 ppl would be the first to listen to all my stories. Pity them, they had to bear listening to me for the past 3 years...They also know abt all my love stories - my crushes (btw, every year there's at least 1 crush, except for the last year in NUS, haha...).They were the ones, who always accompanied me mugging in PGP study room, who would bring laughter into that boring study-room scenes. Hopefully, even after graduation, the bond of friendship between us will still remain as strong as ever ;) Thank you,guyz...

My Rotaract gang...these are the group of people who share my passion, who spice up my university days, who always make me smile, whose companions i always look forward to. The club has watched me grow throughout my 4 years in NUS...I have become a better person, thanks to the people whom I had been working closely together in the club. It was really heartening to see them in my commencement, thanks a lot guyz! Thanks for your presence and for the gifts!!!

There are so many people that i would like to thank, but i cant list them one by one...My ME friends, my Indo friends, and all other friends that i have made throughout my NUS years...Thank you so much for crafting a memory in this NUS chapter!

Btw, after going through all the hassles of job applications and surviving the waiting period during which I was very unsettled, finally i took up the job that hopefully will suit me well. I will have the chance to work as a consultant, my job will require liaising with lots of parties, I will get the chance to wear nice clothes, and most importantly, it's a male-dominated field!

So that's how the NUS chapter ended...I'm in the process of summarizing my 4 years in NUS! Beware of very long entry next time!

A new life in HDB

Evan was pushing the trolley only a few steps behind me, and suddenly an empty plastic packaging of food flew off the window and landed right in front of the trolley...

To my relief, the people whom i met in the lift were indeed a bunch of friendly neighbours...

I was given a bunch of keys (the outer gate's key, the second gate's key, the main door's key, the keys to the windows grills, mail box key, room key...). My agent was pointing to me all the different keys...and i just stared at him like sotong...SO MANY KEYS!!! I really have to label each and every key that i'm holding on to...To be able to step into the house, i need to go through 3 different locks - the main gate, the second gate and the main door...GOSH!!!

Evan and I were practising on how to stick the laundry poles out of the window...and trying different positions on where to put the pole while hanging your clothes before sticking them out of the window,haha...

Well, these are just part and parcel of staying in HDB...a brand new experience for me, who had been stuck in hostels all over Singapore for the past 8 years!

ONE MORE MONTH to.......................;) ;) ;)

A sense of pride & a great satisfaction...

Do you remember this picture?



Now, take a look at them again...

Praying for Time
by George Michael

These are the days of the open hand
They will not be the last
Look around now
These are the days of the beggars
And the choosers

This is the year of the hungry man
Whose place is in the past
Hand in hand with ignorance
And legitimate excuses

The rich declare themselves poor
And most of us are not sure
If we have too much
But well take our chances
Because God stopped keeping score
I guess somewhere along the way
He must have let us all out to play
Turned his back and all gods children
Crept out the back door

Chorus
And its hard to love,
Theres so much to hate
Hanging on to hope
When there is no hope to speak of
And the wounded skies above
Say its much too late
Well maybe we should all be
Praying for time

These are the days of the empty hand
Oh you hold on to what you can
And charity is a coat you wear
Twice a year

This is the year of the guilty man
Your television takes a stand
And you find that what was over there
Is over here

So you scream from behind your door
Say whats mine is mine and not yours
I may have too much
But Ill take my chances
Because God stopped keeping score
And you cling to the things
They sold you
Did you cover your eyes when
They told you
That he cant come back
Because he has no children
To come back for

Carrie Underwood - Praying For Time - Idol Gives Back 2008

George Michael on American Idol Season 7 Finale

American Idol Season 7

I am watching the season finale for the second time in the day, while typing this entry...
Yes, i'm really crazy of American Idol!!! haha...i never miss a single show since the audition...and this TV programme had been my main entertainment throughout the semester...something that i always looked forward to every Wednesday and Thursday.

I have been following this show since my first year in NUS, except last year when I was away for SEP and i didnt have the chance to watch the show. I remember that three years ago i also wrote an entry on American Idol Season 4. Apparently, i didn't write anything on American Idol Season 5 (hmmmm....dunno why)...Gosh, time really flies!!! Every year my reaction towards the show is the same...I still like Simon Cowell a lot...Ryan Seacrest too...i'll be cursing on those contestants who dont deserve to stay in the competitive, yet they continued to stay...i'll be crying for those good contestants who had to be kicked out so early in the competition...i'll be nervous during the finale...and i'll always watch the finale more than once...haha...

I cried when Contastine was kicked out during Season 4, when Chris Daughtry was kicked out during Season 5, and when Michael John (he's very charming,by the way!!!) was kicked out during Season 7,hahaha...see how emotionally attached i'm to the show...but i only cried when i think these people deserved to stay longer in the show!!!

Anyway, for this year's season...I like both Davids...They are really GOOD!!! I prefer David Cook though, coz he's MORE MAN (he still looks SO MAN, even when he's crying,hahaha)!!! and YEAH, HE WON THE AMERICAN IDOL!!!! With regards to the finale, I prefer the Season 4 and 5 finale shows, as compared to this year's one ...the previous finale shows looked more grand...or maybe because this year's one was not held in Kodak Theatre Hollywood...no red carpet show,haha...

I'm falling in love with this song entitled "Praying For Time" by George Michael. I first heard it being sung by Carrie Underwood during Idol Gives Back and it was sung by George Michael himself during the finale show...gosh, this song can really make me cry! I'll be posting the two videos later...

Post-NUS life

Life after NUS has been physically tiring...honestly, it's even more tiring than when i was mugging! haha...but it's one of the best time when I am not chased for deadlines, when I don't need to think of what to study next, when I can sleep without the alarm clock interrupting my sleep. Having said that it doesn't mean that the brain can take a complete rest because there are other matters that I need to start to think about, like what kind of job I would like to do next, how can I be financially independent, and not forgetting the anxiety of not knowing exactly how the working life is out there.

The past 1 week has been filled with outings, good food, fun companions, chalet, KTV, drinking session, gossiping, chitchatting...

The $20 Marutama Ramen to celebrate the end of my last exams...

@ TCC...right after my last paper

Steamboat gathering at Yanlian's house...

No, no...not my birthday! Xian's early bday celebration with the SEP gang


Playing Wii at Yanlian's house...SO FUN!!!

Yummy mango dessert @ Bugis


K-box session...


Dessert @ K-box Buffet


Playing arcade...


BBQ @ Downtown East

Chalet @ Downtown East

It looks damn shiok, rite!!! haha....well, indeed it is!!! Fun yet physically draining...haha...Well, amidst all the post-exams fun, i still miss him...I am lying if i claimed that i never envy my friends who are spending time with their boyfriends/girlfriends, especially during this period when you are supposed to be in celebratory mood...well, at least i should be thankful that i have so many friends who are still willing to hang out with me...

By the way, i was given a short notice by PGP to shift to a new room and i had to finish packing all my stuffs in 1 day and shifting them by myself to the new room, which is luckily not very far from my previous room...If i were to thank one person (or i shall say one thing), which has lessened my burden of shifting the heavy boxes...that would be...

My Trolley...

This trolley has been the best investment i have ever bought throughout my NUS life...It has not only helped me to be an independent strong woman...it has also helped many of my friends shifting their stuffs,haha...Well, a trolley will remain as a trolley no matter what,haha...i was still drained to the core after packing and shifting...and i cant run away frm bruises everytime i pack and shift my stuffs. I wish this would be the last time i'm doing all this packing and shifting by myself...The next challenge that lies ahead is to shift all my stuffs to my new home next week...

Wanna see how much stuffs i actually have??? haha...

A total of 14 pieces of boxes/suitcases + lots of plastic bags,haha...

After spending 13 hours of sleep to recharge my energy, i started to revive my long-lost hobby, which is reading...haha...i remembered when i was in Indonesia, i used to read a lot...when i came to Singapore, I still read lots of books for the sake of improving my English, and when i started JC, that hobby started to die off...and it was completely non-existent during my university days. Now that i have more time in my hand, i shall make full use of this time to read as much as i can...

I was at PageOne bookshop at Vivocity this afternoon, spending more than 4 hours of reading a few interesting books. It was really very peaceful there...sitting on the bench by yourself, overlooking the Sentosa bridge, listening to the soothing background music, while reading line after line of inspirational stories...Thinking of it now, i feel like going back there again,haha...Btw, i read this book entitled, "An hour to live, an hour to love" by Richard and Kristine Carlson. He posed this question, "If you had an hour to live and could make just 1 phone call, who would you call and what would you say?" He answered this question through his love letter to his wife (very sweet you know) and tragically, he died suddenly at the age of 45 and his wife published his letters. A very touching story...I am trying to answer that question myself,hehe...

There are two other books that i wish to read during this time: "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch and "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne... I guess now is a perfect time to start contemplating about life and reflecting on past experiences...I believe i wont have this luxury when i start working, like when i was studying...

My ambition is killing me...

I can really foresee myself being crushed by my ego and ambition to death!!!

Which route should i choose?
Utilizing my skills and ability to their maximum or living the life in a very relaxed manner?
Should I work so hard to get what i want? or should i just lead a 'tai-tai life', if possible?
In which state will i be happier? In which state will my life be more fulfilling? In which state will my life be more enjoyable?

Talking about the different states, maybe I can apply Markov chains, ah?

Ok enough said, back to studying for my last examination in NUS (and probably in my life)...

(Yes, Please dont laugh at me! I still have 1 paper to go at this time...When others have finished up a barrel of beer, celebrating the end of NUS life, i have yet to taste a single drop...I feel like gulping 'Strongbow' after my last paper!!! But where can i get 'Strongbow' in Singapore???)

I want to go home...
I want to be pampered...
I want to eat good food everyday...
I want to sleep with my mom and 'curhat' abt lots of things to her...
I want to be driven by my dad to anywhere and discuss lots of issues with him...
I want to play with my brother...

I simply want to live like a Princess NOW...hahaha...

It's getting nearer...to the finishing line

But others have crossed that line...

Some of my graduating friends' interesting MSN nicks:
"ORD le", "Graduate!", "It's over...", "School's over...what's next?", "Free from the strangle of NUS...", "School no more..."

I still dont deserve putting those lines in my nick, and i dont wish to do it so soon (although i want the exams to end soon!)...1 more week to go, so far only 3MCs cleared, 16 more MCs to go within next week...

Maybe i shall put this as my msn nick,"Markov Chains...Birthday problem...Powerball...Roulette...Simpson's Paradox...De Mere's Problem...Monty Hall Problem...Prosecutor's Fallacy..." Arrrghhhh, i hate this module...

I have concluded that "Learning Statistics is like learning C Programming...Either you know it or you don't!"

What a module to end my undergraduate life!

The very FINAL exams

I need luck to get what i want...
And i hope luck will be upon me starting tmr...the start of my very final exams!
More 'Good Luck' wish please...haha...

How i wish i can spend every afternoon, sitting by the pond, enjoying the serenity of the surrounding with practically nothing in my mind...

TWO MORE MONTHS to .................;) ;) ;)

(guess urself!)

I DONT WANT TO LEAVE NUS!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, the title says it all...
I had my last lecture yesterday...
I had my last perfect lunch at NUS Engin canteen this afternoon (a plate of Malay food & a glass of Carrot red apple juice)...
I borrowed my last book from NUS library this afternoon...
I printed a few stuffs at Computer centre lab yesterday (and that'd be the last too)...
I entered my FYP Prof's office for the last time yesterday...

The more i think of all these last moments in NUS, the more i wish i'm not a Year 4 student...haha, it's weird rite? I can still imagine myself attending lectures and tutorials next semester, but sadly there'd be no more 'next semester'...

I met the PGP security guard, whom i had not seen for months this morning...When he found out that i'm graduating this semester, he was really shocked at how fast time flies. It seems that it was only yesterday I begged him to let me use the study room till late at night even though he was ordered to switch off the study room lights by 11 pm...He was the uncle who helped me find another study room for me and my friends to study when the aircon in my usual study place broke down...He was the uncle who can really testify on how hardworking i was during Year 1 and Year 2,haha...After my 2nd year, he was promoted to another position and i rarely saw him...till this morning!

The fruit juice uncle and aunty at Engin canteen are another ones that i'd vividly remember. Since Year 1, i have been patronizing their stall regularly and i only order Carrot-red apple juice for the whole of 4 years!!! And both the uncle and aunty can even recognize me...I just need to stand in front of their stall with a smile, and the uncle will make a glass of carrot-red apple juice...or sometimes when i was still in the queue, the aunty would just shout to the uncle "Carrot hong ping kuo, da pao", hahaha...i gonna miss that cheap carrot-red-apple juice that has successfully sustained the degree of my eyes!!!

haiz...i gonna miss a lot of things...a lot of people...and if i were to really reminisce the past 4 years, i can just spend whole day listing down all the things that i'd miss...maybe i shall do it after exams!!!

Anyway, after having to fork out a lot of $$$$$ for rental deposit, agent fee, and all those administrative fee for renting an apartment, i really wish that i could stay in my PGP room forever, with such a low rental and without having to bother about water & electricity bill and internet bill and what-so-ever...Another reason for me to miss NUS...

I had lunch with Gaci & tez for the last time today at engin canteen, and we went to take pictures outside LT7A (where our first lecture was held)...and outside the Faculty of Engineering sign...After exams, there will be more photo shots ard NUS with my ME gang: Diah & Evan...haha...




This is really a good place to take picture especially after commencement. I really love the "Faculty of Engineering" sign with the reflection of trusses at the background...it just reminded me of Statics & Mechanics module that i learnt in Year 1,hahaha...

Missing someone...

Exactly a year ago, at this time, i was standing at Piazza San Marco in Venice, which I found to be the most beautiful and romantic square that i have ever visited. I personally think this place is even more romantic than Eiffel Tower,haha...But you have to visit this place at night to see its best and feel the romanticism on the air. Although there were lots of people in this square, amazingly you can feel that the square is yours...It's so beautifully lit and the soothing live music at the background played outside a few high-class restaurants made it even more a perfect place for lovers! The canals and gondolas surrounding it add another peaceful effect to the whole setting.

My friends and I even came up with a possible romantic scenario. Imagine that you can book the whole square for your wedding...you just need to chase all the pigeons and cover the whole place with red carpet...Nobody can enter the square, except your invited guests...there will be lots of nice food, and the guests can dance there as well...and at the end of the whole wedding party, there will be fireworks from behind the cupola! How perfect it's!!! And there is even a story which says that if you are proposed in Piazza San Marco, you just have to accept it!!! It's just too romantic...

Anyway, I still remember as i was walking around the square, I thought of someone...and i really wished that someone was there with me...

Exactly a year later, at the same time, i'm stuck in my room typing this blog, with a totally opposite surrounding...but the same wish is still there...the wish that i could be with that someone at this point of time!

Random

YEAH!!! I finally got my FYP first draft back after almost 2 weeks of waiting...

I was praying hard that i dont need to make lots of changes to my report, coz honestly i have not been touching any FYP-related stuffs since the submission of this report, and getting back the momentum to do FYP again is kinda hard...I couldnt decipher what he wrote at first glance and had to ask his secretary to help me read,haha...And i was really jumping for joy when i found out what the comment was,hahahaha...Not only that, after flipping through, i found out that the corrections to be made were really really minor!!! a few grammatical errors in about 2 pages out of my 100-odd pages of report...and THAT'S ALL!!!!! I'm so so so relieved!!!

There are only 2 possible reasons to this. Either my prof was so busy that he did not have enough time to scrutinize my report or what i really wrote was correct. I really hope that it was for the latter.I also need to be thankful that i dont need to re-print the whole report for 2nd draft coz it cost me more than $30 for 1 set...

Looking back for the past 8 months, i'm really really grateful for everything. I did complain a lot of times throughout this project...I had sleepless nights as well, especially during the simulation period - the most stressful period, during which i was struggling to learn the software and at the same time hoping that when the simulation worked, its results will be similar to my experimental results, else i had to re-do the experiments again. Thankfully, everything worked as expected! And i have to thank lots of parties for this: my prof, lab uncle, Computer centre engineer, my prof's secretary, and those who are indirectly related to this project: my parents, my brother, my bf and my good friends, who had patiently listened to all my updates and complaints,haha...Thanks a lot!!!

Well, enough about FYP...I just had an interesting conversation with my grandma recently. I was telling her that i'd be graduating this July and asking her to attend my convocation. She was superbly excited after hearing that, and the next question she asked me, "When are you going to get married?" I was speechless!!! hahaha...and i had to reply to her disappointment,"errr...not so soon!" When my mum asked her why she wanted me to get married soon, she mentioned that she wanted to carry her grandchildren soon, and my mum had to correct her, "No, not your grandchildren, your great grandchildren." Well, i think i'm going to face the same question more often in time to come...and i dont foresee answering that question with certainty at the moment...

Just a random question:"Have you ever hated the situation that you are at but not the person involved in it?"

"You know that you want something to happen so badly when you dream of it everyday"
~Lyd~

I REMEMBER!!! I REMEMBER!!!
I FINALLY REMEMBER THAT GUY!!!

hahaha...what a great satisfaction!!! first i saw his name on facebook and i can really confirm that i know him coz that name is really really familiar! It just took me seconds before i remember that he's actually frm Rotaract Club,hahaha...he was one of the ex-co members during my first year in Rotaract!!! Hmmm, i think my power of imagination is quite reliable!!! i really couldnt imagine him wearing my JC uniform, and true enough he's not frm my JC! hahaha...and now i can imagine him attending Rotaract meetings, and i'm really 100% sure that he was frm Rotaract...
Gosh, it took me more than 1 month to figure this out,haha...

What can i do???

I'm getting increasingly more emotional when i heard or read about the endless problems faced by the world. The soaring food price is an example. I was moved to tears when i read this article by the Straits Times on how a poor family in Indonesia copes with the rising price of staple food and oil.

"A meagre wage of 30,000 rupiah (S$4.50) a day to feed a family of six...since the middle of last year, the family has mostly subsisted on rice, fried tofu and tempe - the basic staple of most Indonesians. Eggs and vegetables show up on the dinner table only on special occasions...a 2kg bag of rice has more than doubled in price from 3,000 rupiah to 8,000 rupiah, eggs from 9,000 rupiah a kg to 13,000 rupiah, tofu and tempe from 5,000 rupiah a packet to 14,000 rupiah, and salted fish from 5,000 rupiah a packet to 10,000 rupiah...We also have to ration how much we eat as it is barely enough for all six of us...the two-years old son only gets to drink milk occasionally...gone are the days when he and his family could eat out, treating themselves to a bowl of mee bakso or noodle soup, which costs around 3,000 rupiah..."

Actually the problem of poverty and starvation have existed since antiquity, but i had been too ignorant simply because it never affects me. And the problems just get worse year after year...Just imagine how lucky we are...a bowl of mee bakso for 3000 rupiah (45 Singapore cents) is considered as a luxury for this particular family!!! And this family is not the only one, they are just one out of countless families who is struggling to survive.

On the other side of the story, there are people who spend US$10,000 for a package that will enable their ashes to be sent to the moon after they died so that their family members, who are still alive on planet earth can look up to the moon and said "My so-and-so is resting peacefully on the moon." Another scenario is those people who paid S$13,200 for a night stay at the hotel so as to watch the upcoming F1 race at the comfort of their room's balcony.

Ok, i'm not trying to criticize these people, it's their hard-earned money!!! And it's their rights to spend every single cent of it on anything that they want. I am just feeling guilty (even though it's not my fault,haha) to see these 2 extreme cases and i will start to imagine what will happen if this large sum of money is actually used to help the poor! A nice story with a happy-ending unfolds in my mind...but it's just a dream, that will never become a reality, considering so many factors that complicate my story in the real world.

Haiz...what can i do? At the moment, i am just engulfed by a feeling of guilt whenever i spend $$$ on something that is not really necessary...

A promise

I just made a promise...that i'm struggling to keep day by day...It's really hard though , but i'm trying to stick by it ;(

Amnesia? Old age?

My memory is really failing! Recently, when i see some familiar faces in school, i need to pause for a while to think who that person is, where i saw his/her face before, how i got to know him/her, and so on...before i can conclude: "oh, that guy's from my JC", "he's one of the ME guyz in my batch", "she stayed in the same hostel as me last time", "she's so-and-so's girlfriend",...

Once i can remember these facts, then i will at least feel at ease. The worst case is when after thinking for more than 3 weeks, i still cant figure out how that face leaves an impression on my brain. When i attended an energy talk few weeks ago, i saw this guy, whose face is so so so familiar. Besides that i can also remember several occassions when i had conversations with him, though i cant remember the topic of our conversations. And i have a strong feeling that i interacted with him several times before on a regular basis, but i cant figure out where i met him, how i got to know him, and why i interacted with him. I tried recalling my JC days, remembering all my friends in my CCAs...maybe he's from my JC, but i cant imagine him wearing my JC uniform! Then i tried recalling my first year in NUS...nothing came to my mind!

I wanted to 'give up' on this guy...but u know what? this guy has been 'haunting' me since that energy talk,haha...i have been seeing him so often around school nowadays, at least once every week without fail! I saw him this afternoon at the bus stop, and every time i see him, the same process runs through my mind (from recalling my JC days to my first year in NUS), yet i still cant find the answers to all my questions. And i think he saw me too and his eyes say clearly,"Who on earth are you?" haha...

Is that guy going to 'haunt' me till i can remember who he is??? hahaha...

Maybe my brain is overloaded...or i'm really getting old...and i think the 'forgetful virus' that i caught frm someone makes it worse,haha...you know who you are! :>

FYP mood

My soft toys are also stressed up, after staring at me, who has been staring at computer screen from 7 am this morning till 11 pm at night, busily churning out sentences after sentences for my thesis. The pink Lyd bear is also envying her partner, who is slacking and hibernating on a cosy bed in Stockholm, enjoying the long easter break...while Lyd bear has no holiday at all!!!

I think i'm turning crazy,hahaha...i have been literally SLEEPING with journals for the past few days...and for the whole of this project, i have also read close to 100 journals (i mean it! no exaggeration...i was so bored and tired just now that i started counting the no of journals i have read for the past 8 months with such a great satisfaction,hahaha...). Although i cant possibly list all the journals in the references section, but there were several occasions when my experimental results or simulation results turned out to be not as expected and there would just be one or two journals, which thankfully support my results! And i would continue writing my analysis in smile...

Only about 1 week left to the day for the submission of first draft report...To all my fellow Engin friends, who need to submit FYP first draft on Mar 31, JIA YOU!!! We can do it!!!

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I MISS HIM BADLY :( :( :(

I WANT TO HAVE A LOOOOOOOONG EASTER BREAK... :(

I ALSO WANT TO TRAVEL... :(


*Lysia once said that those words in the smallest font possible are going to attract more attention than the words in biggest font* hahaha...

If I could re-live my undergraduate life in NUS...

- I would attend all the talks related to Energy: conservation of energy, development of clean energy, research in renewable energy, potential jobs in energy industry...
- I would choose a design project related to Energy...
- I would choose Sweden to be my SEP destination...(Sweden has relied on renewable energy to support 40% of her energy consumption, UNBELIEVABLE!)
- I would take extra modules in Sweden related to renewable energy
- I would do specialization in Energy...
- All my technical electives would be related to Energy...
- I would choose FYP topic on renewable energy...
- I would look for jobs in clean energy industry...
- I would still be joining ROTARACT CLUB (coz that's my best decision i've ever made in NUS,haha...)

And at the end of my 4 years, I WOULD HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE TO THE WORLD!!! isnt it what we, as engineers, are supposed to do? Use the technology to change the world!!!

And in the future, i would be an expert in Energy...and i would be going around schools and institutions giving talks on Energy...i would be part of the panelists in a discussion forum or conference on energy issue,hahahah...

Sorry, i'm going crazy at the moment...hahaha...blame it to the Engineering Professionalism project that i'm currently doing. My group is investigating the issue of Peak Oil...and doing this project has opened up my eyes (VERY WIDE) to the problems faced by the world today...and has interestingly sparked a great interest in me...

Look at how messy my undergraduate life has been:
- No particular field of interest...
- Vacation Internship Programme at DSI - hard disk research...
- SEP to UK - went there for pure fun...
- Design project - built a robot to grab blocks...
- No specialization...
- FYP - Cryosurgery (cancer)...
- Future job - dunno...no particular field...

Extremely satisfied...

I have to give two thumbs up for the Lions Befrienders volunteers-including Huey Jing and Yifang, the two leaders of this project. They are really a bunch of very creative people! Not only the Chinese New Year celebration gets better every year with their creative ideas...the monthly lunch service for the elderly gets more enjoyable too.

This morning's activities were really the best as compared to the past 2 years' monthly lunch service. Charade...performance...singing...dancing...All brought great laughter not only among the elderly but also among the volunteers!

At the end of today's lunch service, i feel very satisfied! I could really sense the sincerity, the passion, and the enthusiasm among the volunteers...It just feels great to know that these volunteers are enjoying what they are doing (this's what i have always been aiming to achieve in any project). Waking up early on a Sunday morning can really be seen as a chore...especially during this period, when everyone is deprived of sleep, thanks to NUS! But when you try putting urself in the shoes of these elderly, you will realize that the few hours you sacrifice on a Sunday morning can bring so much joy and laughter, which the elderly dont get to experience often...

The volunteers...posing with the props...

Btw, just for your info, the volunteers in the pic are all Malaysians, except me (Indonesian) and Hanyang (Singaporean). Hmmm, where are all the Singaporeans???

*i miss doing community service with him...huhuhu...*