Aaargh...

I'm starting to hate what i'm doing for my FYP. I was trapped into the project, which did not even warn me of the existence of Computational Fluid Dynamics software. Armed with thousands over pages of the manual, i was required to figure everything out from scratch. I initially thought the introductory workshop conducted yesterday was a blessing for me...I was wrong though, it didn't help much as it didn't cover what i'm supposed to do for this project.

I have shut myself up in the computer lab for the whole day today, initially hoping that at the end of the day, i'll achieve something significant. The end of the day is approaching...and what i achieve is far from my hope.

I have been going out with him (with an excuse that time is running out for both of us before he leaves for SEP)...I have been involved in the Christmas project (with an excuse that i was so involved in this project for the past 3 years and this's my last chance of participating in it)...I attended a few self-development workshops (with an excuse that these will be useful for my future). It struck me that i'm just running away from my FYP by keeping myself busy with all these activities. I hate to receive comments such as "You are LYDIA! You can do it! You sure can master the software by urself!" There was not even an occassion when i complained to others and they gave me a different response other than mentioned above. I know myself well...i know that sometimes hard work may not solve ur problem...and i'm trapped in this situation where i think my hard work will not succeed this time round.

My busy supervisor, who travels here and there, is not of much help either. Not wanting to give a bad impression, i always nod whenever he mentions something (showing that i understand what he says) although most of the times, that's just the sign of pretention...the sign which orders me to go back home and read up more in fear of being considered "stupid" in front of him. I really need someone...someone who can really sit down next to me and explain to me everything about this software...someone who will free me out of this misery of self-learning!

FYP aside, i think i fail in making others feel belonged to a project which was handed over by me. How can i do it? i have tried myself to distant myself from the project, so that they would be more involved in it and hopefully they'll have a heavy sense of responsibility towards this project. That didn't work. I found myself being dragged more into the project...especially when i sense little progress in it...haiz...So what should i do? When can i leave this club in peace, knowing that my project will be sustainable in years to come?

Enough of complaints! back to Fluent...

LYDIA MADE TIRAMISU!!!

Unbelievable rite??? I, myself, cant believe it too,haha...but guess wad, my first attempt was A SUCCESS!!!

I was inspired by Yanlian, who made tiramisu last time when we were in UK and it looked easy, do-able, and worst case scenario, it should still be EDIBLE!

Starting from these...

to the first challenging task for me: Separating the yolk from the egg white...

There were supposed to be 4 UNBURST egg yolks in the bowl, but since it was ME who did this, u could only see 2 UNBURST and a pool of yolk,haha...at least my first attempt was a SUCCESS! I remembered vividly how many times in UK my supposedly sunny-side-up on the pan turned out to be an omelette, simply because the egg yolk burst! Approximating 100 g of sugar was another of my handicap. I am really LOUSY at making an approximation in terms of cooking ingredient...using my gut feeling, i just put the sugar in, hoping that it's 100g!

Then next one: mixing the mascarpone cheese with the yolk...

Mixing this MANUALLY really took an effort! my hand almost went numb,haha...

Another step that requires my APPROXIMATION skill...400g of whipped cream...

And finally... (i forgot to take picture of the lady fingers being laid on the container first)

Look at how ugly the Cocoa powder was being spread on top,haha...

I had to wait one night to taste the success of my tiramisu...thankfully, it turned out GOOD!!! and he loves it!!! (hmmm, or maybe he was forcing himself to finish it? haha... at least he pretended well enough that he loves it...) but i personally think it's quite nice...Nothing can really go wrong in making tiramisu, even for an idiot like me!

Ok, time to get back to work...i have been forcing myself to concentrate on FYP, but i simply cant! I was tidying up all my research journals and experimental results just now and i realised that i have hell lots of things to settle for this project...from re-reading the journals ( i forgot all the concepts!) ...to compiling and analysing my experimental results...to studying a new software from scratch...to mastering the software and doing simulation...to preparing for prelim presentation...It's still a long journey to the end of this project...haiz...I better get my motivation for this project back! A satisfying grade and maybe a little bit of contribution to cancer research!

*i am missing him...though i was with him this morning...haiz...how can i survive next semester without him around?*